Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 5 months ago

Is it unreasonable to ask one of my fiance’s daughters to be bridesmaid because one is biologically his and the other isn’t?

My fiance and I are starting to plan our wedding and he’s now upset because I only want one of his daughter’s to be a bridesmaid. I’m closer with one than I am the other.

Of his two daughters, one is biologically his, the other isn’t. The one I want to ask is biologically his. The elder isn’t his, but he’s known since his ex told him that she was pregnant, as he’d been out of the country weeks when she discovered she was pregnant. He fell in love with his eldest the moment he heard her heartbeat and didn’t care that he wasn’t her father. She however isn’t aware. They have never told her, as they don’t feel like they have to. Oddly enough, her mother is now married to her actual biological father.

My fiance is really mad that I want to only ask one of the girls, even though I’m only close to one. The elder one and I don’t get along, she’s incredibly close to my fiance and doesn’t like anyone else getting close to him. I’ve tried but we don’t have anything in common. He’s arguing that I’m choosing his biological child over his nonbiological child which I suppose part of me is in a way. I did make more of an effort with the younger one, as I went out of my way to try and make a connection with her.

23 Answers

  • 5 months ago

    From those girls perspective, their father is getting married. You have both in the wedding. Because they are family and he is half the wedding.

  • 5 months ago

    I don't blame him for being upset. Either neither or both.

    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    I think it is, especially since he is unhappy with the decision. You say you don't have much in common. You have your fiancé in common and that's pretty much the point. She would be a bridesmaid for however long the ceremony takes. You won't be bound at the hip after the day ends.

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    You sound straight up like a loser and if your fiance isn't sticking up for his kid, he is too.

    I had 2 small kids when I met my 2nd/current husband. One was mine biologically and one wasn't. He fully accepted both of them and never treated one any different than the other. If he did, I wouldn't have married him. If things changed after we got married and he didn't treat either one of them well.. I would have left. However, he's a great man and loves them both as his own. After he and I had kids together, he never treated them any different.

    I adopted and parented a child my ex had with someone else during our marriage. I never regretted my choice to be her mom and I'm the only mom she's ever known. Her mom was very troubled with expensive habits and lost parental rights before she was born. My ex was the 6th guy they tested when the state of Texas came looking for a father and he was a match. She's my girl as much as any of the rest of my kids are. If anything, she was the one who needed me the most, she had a rough start in life. I only stayed in the marriage as long as I did so that I could be sure that when I left, I could take her too. I knew I could take my biological daughter (who is slightly older), but I was worried about her.

    If someone needs to go in this situation ... it is you.

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  • Sparky
    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    That's a tough one.

    I guess all you can do is ask her and hope she declines.

  • 5 months ago

    You want to start making that difference between the two children? good luck with that

  • Lita
    Lv 6
    5 months ago

    Yes, it is unreasonable. You may only want to ask one but you are hurting him by playing favorites and not asking both.

  • 5 months ago

    I think that it would be best to try and include her. It may be a little uncomfortable for you, but I think there would be more discomfort over a longer period of time if you don't. I think it is the lesser of the bad options to just ask her to be a bridesmaid. It certainly would reflect well on your character if you did.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    No. That's setting up family preferences. Just remember that, if someone has to go, later, it will be you.

  • 5 months ago

    Yes it is unreasonable, biological or not she is still his daughter. Stop being a dick!

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