Should I tell my son he was molested?

Question

My son was sexually abused by a family member between 11months and 3years old. He doesn't remember the abuse but I could never forget. We recently reconnected with that side of the family and I worry that they will ended up slipping up, or telling him and confusing, or upsetting him. He's 14 now but I've havent had it in me to tell him but I dont want him to resent me for not finding the 'right time's to tell him.

Answer 1

No don't tell him that it's inappropriate.

Answer 2

Don't tell him, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Answer 3

So the "family member" is in prison now and how is that explained to him? Then how will Mommy explain to him this went on for TWO YEARS and she did not know it? Highly unlikely this could happen given diddy duty eve few hours!

To the commentor what in the hell does that have to do with the price of beans? Also in a BABY that young there would be even the slightest of signs if someone were paying attention.

• Alan H

  Lv 7

  6 months agoReport

  It is far from unusual to discover abuse after much longer than that
  

Answer 4

I think it would be best if you did not tell him,

He is at an age where it could really affect him for life,

So is it wise to tell him?

Answer 5

You do not give much detail, but I will go against the trend here and say I think he has the right to know the truth. How will he ever trust you if he hears that news from someone else? I would think it best to avoid those people, but seeing as you are reconnecting something would need to be said. The abuser could very well have been abused by other members of that very same family too, so you may be putting him in danger of further abuse. You are supposed to protect your son and if that means avoiding the whole family then so be it. That way you could tell him when he was more mature too. He will not like ever hearing the news (most of us wouldn't) later but you would have to explain why you allowed and risked possible further contact. My suggestion is to keep away and advise and let him make his own decision as an adult.

• Jedi Jan

  Lv 7

  6 months agoReport

  So giving them the basic information, then adding more to it as further questions come appears to be the best way to deal with these situations. My ex was abusive but I have not gone into many details. If / when the questions ever come I could say more but it doesn't seem necessary. Good luck.⚘
  

Answer 6

Puberty is a mixed up enough time. Dont add to it. Just make sure you understand that if the day comes you will be just fine telling him you did not want him to dwell on that and he is a fine boy, so you carried that burden for him.

Answer 7

No, he will have plenty of struggles in life. Bear this burden for him. Do not tell him.

Answer 8

I would absolutely tell him. It will be hard and im sure he will have to work through it, but I cant image that he is gonna go through is whole life without ever finding out. If you go through something like its best to hear it from someone he knows he can trust, especially if that side of the family is gonna be back in his life, he deserves the right to decide for himself how close he is comfortable being with them.

There's never gonna be a "right time". You just have to it. And if he's angry or hurt, just let him feel it for a moment. There has been a lot of this stuff in my family (Not by family members) but it has happened to many women in my family, and they all workes through it in their own time with people they could trust and fall back on when needed. And I say this 100% honestly, that they are better and stronger for it.

And to, if he was that young and can't remember it, it might be a lot easier to deal with and move on. Be he needs to know in order to put it behind him.

Answer 9

yeah just so he doesn't make friends with the family member that did it. But if it was me i wouldn't have reconnected with that side of the family that did it he doesn't need to be around ppl that have hurt him.

Answer 10

No, that is none of his business

• 6 months agoReport

  how could someone put a thumbs up to this