I just figured out Im in a mentally abusive relationship.. I need help I know ..but I need other peoples point of view.....?

Ok I am christian and these topics are well not talked about... First of all I didnt even know it was happening ... its hard to recognize.. but I was suffering and am .I didnt know why.... now that Ive Identified it I need help how to get about about it. My husband I dont think is doing the abuse on purpose its just he was formed .... from childhood because his father is very mentally abusive.. I love my husband very much and divorce is not something I want. How I identified it is- he has a way of manipulating to get his way... and if said no .. brings guilt and low self worth my way.. when I tell him how it makes me feel ,he has a ton of excuses and takes no responsibility of his words but father flips it like he is a victim.... what I need is scriptures to help me threw and how I can help my husband without him realizing it to become better and to realize how he is actually hurting me... I know if I tell him directly it will backfire ... anyone have any ideas????????

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16 Answers

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  • 5 months ago
    Best Answer

    First copy these scriptures and post them on the bathroom mirror (or someplace similar) for him to see.

    Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

    Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

    1Pet 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

    When he either confronts you about the passages above, or starts his abuse again, tell him something like this:

    Darling, I love you, and will always do my best to be the kind of wife to you that God expects of me, but I must tell you that the way you sometimes treat me is very unloving, harsh, inconsiderate and disrespectful. I can't make you do what God says and I would get in trouble for trying to punish you for not doing what God says (ref Gen 50:15-21; Rom 12:19), so all I can do is take it and suffer. Your real issue isn't with me, but with God.

    Back to me. If he continues with attempted guilt trips or whatever, don't argue or defend yourself; just repeat the above, especially the last sentence. If the above has no effect on him, go to an elder at your church and seek his advice. Good luck and God bless. Hang in there; all marriages have problems that have to be overcome. I'll be praying for you. You pray too for God's help and guidance.

  • 5 months ago

    Are you for real? Please don't tell me you are going to have children with this nut job????

    • spongy5 months agoReport

      I already have children with him 😆

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Seek counselling. And marriage enrichment

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Try to schedule some counseling sessions with your member of clergy. The religious take on marriage counseling isn't always the most effective, but it's better than nothing and if you're both believers maybe a minister or pastor can guilt him into behaving better. Barring that there's always science and a licensed family therapist.

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Honey, your story is very similar to mine and there is nothing you can do to fix your husband - an abuser will not admit to being one and will turn it back on you.

    First, I highly recommend you read the book Abuse Survivors Speak Out by Patricia Evans. This book showed me what was happening. I prayed to God to help me do what He wanted me to do. In this case, I did divorce and was scared to even bring it up (fearing my ex would go off). But he didn't. He agreed to the divorce but it took over a year to get him to leave on his own (he went back home to his parents house) (in my state you have to be physical separated for a year before divorce is granted).

    I struggled a long time about divorce, about what the Bible says, etc. God doesn't want you to be unhappy or abused. Divorce can be granted for adultery, abandonment or abuse. I believe my ex may have been committing adultery on some level (tho he would deny it) and he did abuse me.

    After the divorce, I let God be the one to give me a new husband - and he did. My husband had been abused as a child, so we both know the pain. He's everything that I should have had the first time around. We are very happily married now for 17 yrs. I never knew what love was until I met my 2nd husband.

    Please don't try to fix your husband; best to divorce him and don't allow him in your life anymore.

  • 5 months ago

    Marriage counseling

  • 5 months ago

    I did domestic violence work for 8 years. Counseling may or may not help. Scriptures likewise MAY or MAY NOT help.

    Your husband was (apparently) taught to bully and dominate his wife. From the sounds of it, he saw this growing up, and assumed it was normal and healthy, even Godly.

    IDK what church you and your husband attend. Depending on what denomination you gather with, that may or may not be a helpful resource.

    Call your local Domestic Violence Counseling line, and tell them what is happening. They will be able to direct you to support and supportive services.

    In America, you can find the resources closest to you online at

    https://www.domesticshelters.org/

    I have used this website for years. It will find programs and shelters anywhere in the USA, and has helpful articles too.

    • MamaBear
      Lv 6
      5 months agoReport

      It always starts mentally and verbally. Sometimes it progresses to physical violence, but not always. I was with an abuser for almost 20 years. Most of it was mental/emotional

  • Jen
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Yeah this doesnt classify as an abusive relationship from what you discussed and throwing scripture at him most likely wont work since you guys are having communication problems. Best thing is marriage counseling, there are ones that are christian based, however, make sure if you go with a christian oriented counselor that they actually have a license in counseling.

    • Ocimom
      Lv 7
      5 months agoReport

      Its called verbal and emotional abuse - and its worse then physical abuse.

  • 5 months ago

    I AGREE WITH BLUE FACE...GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    You need marriage counseling. That's the only way he'll get to see exactly what he's doing to you by a neutral professional third party

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