Girl hugged my boyfriend right in front of me..is this ok especially when she used to have feelings for him?
Hello, so a little bit of background on the situation, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years. He had told me before that the girl had feelings for him before I’m not too sure about now. Me and my boyfriend were sitting together and in the middle of an important conversation when she walks in the room and looks at him. Then she proceeded to walk over and tap him in his shoulder and say hey he said hey back then he turns back to me. Then she wrapped her arm around him and he hugged her back. How should I feel about this? My boyfriend does not really like me to hug other guys so I respect that and I don’t do it. But I told him if that’s the case I would expect the same from him. We had that conversation about a month ago.
- JanetLv 75 months agoBest Answer
It does not matter one bit what HER feelings are for him.
What matters is:
(1) What his feelings are for YOU, and
(2) How emotionally mature he is.
Where WE get caught up is if our self-esteem is low. In this case, our subconscious cannot possibly believe that anyone could stay interested in us, so we see all sorts of things as threats, even when there is no threat at all.
As for this bit about him hugging her back.
Do NOT try to tell him what to do or not do.
Instead, first connect with your own inner fear and pain when things like this happen. Then sit down and share with him how you feel when he hugs other women.
If he cares about you, he will try to avoid hugging other women,
But it WILL happen sometimes.
You are seeing this through your fear and I would like you to "reframe" it.
SHE came up to him.
SHE said "Hey".
He replied "hey" back, and THEN turned his back on her, looking back to YOU. THIS tells you just where HE stands on the her-vs-you matter.
Then SHE hugged him. A decent person hugs back. Just to be polite and not be needlessly cruel.
A not-decent person spits in her face instead of hugging back.
Which kind of person is your bf?
The world is FULL of women .... about 3.5 BILLION of them. And many of them will be attracted to your bf.
They are no threat.
The only threat is how close the two of you are and how mature and kind your man is.
Now, he doesn't cope with his emotions well, so he doesn't like you hugging other guys. And INSTEAD of learning to cope with HIS emotions, he expects YOU to change your behavior.
This is a natural response .. both in terms of hugging others, and in terms of not wanting to take responsibility for our own emotions.
Unfortunately, expecting the other to change is destructive to a happy lasting relationship (unless the behaviors are toxic or abusive, in which case you just need to leave).
Relationships only last and work well when WE cope with OUR emotions, and ask as little change as possible from our partner. Love is about accepting our partner AS they ARE ... and no one is perfect.
- WhateverLv 75 months ago
You are both ridiculously insecure if you have an issue with hugging the opposite sex.
It was a hug. She was being friendly. You can either make this a problem or you can be an adult and let it go. Your choice.