Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingGrade-Schooler · 8 months ago

Un-cooperational 6 year old, just a phase or a real problem?

My 6 year old son seems to want to oppose anything I ask. Here are some examples of an average day.

Get dressed please I ask "Nope. I don't want to go to school today"

"you have to go to school, it's time to get dressed so we aren't late" I say

"nope I don't want to go to school"

"you have to get dressed otherwise you are going to school in your pajamas"

Then he cries and says "Help me dressed mom!! Take off my pyjamas for me, help me put on my pants, put on my socks"

So I give in and dress him, so we can get to school on time.

This drives me insane but it's becoming the regular.

Same thing with swimming lessons, except he doesn't want to pack his swim bag. He doesn't want to go and fights it until we are almost late.

Same thing with any activity. We suggest he start taking off the training wheels to learn how to ride without, and he outright refuses and pouts. We took the training wheels off one night while he was in bed and he had a fit when he saw and started trying to put them back on himself.

HOW do I get my son to listen and be willing to try new things. Every.Single.Thing is a fight.

12 Answers

  • 4 months ago

    ur son is going to be a great leader one day.

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  • 6 months ago

    Ok first of all if he won't get dressed in the morning, take him to school in his pajamas even if you need to drag him to the car ( don't pick him up though, doing so is practically babying him). If he's refusing to go to swim lessons, put his bathing suit in the car and take him there anyway or just stop taking him to swim lessons and find an activity he enjoys if he doesn't like swimming lessons. If he's throwing a tantrum over loosing his training wheels take the bike away until he learns to behave. If he throws a fit over having his bike taken away just ignore him, he'll eventually get bored with it if you don't pay any attention to him. You can also try asking him why he doesn't want to give up his training wheels, this could be for any reason such as maybe he doesn't feel like he's ready to give them up. Also It's important to try bonding with him when he's not throwing tantrums such as going bowling or taking him to the zoo and try praising him for good behavior.

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  • 7 months ago

    He knows that you will "give in" to his requests if he cries or throws a temper tantrum.

    Next time he refuses to dress himself for any activity ( since school is now out for summer) you may want to give him one warning ( if you don’t get dressed in the next 5 minutes, you'll be going in your pj's). Then- you must follow through and take him in his pj's if he refuses to follow your instruction.

    After a few times of being in public in pj's he will probably stop his games.

    If parents threaten a consequence and don’t follow through with it, kids will continue to test the limits. If they do follow through with it, kids will quickly change their negative behavior.

    Take care and wish you all the best,

    SM, Counselor

    Boys Town National Hotline


    What's your source?

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  • 8 months ago

    I think this is a real problem-

    At 6 years old, they can push the boundaries for sure and they at times like to test limits, that's part of being a normal child, However, the behaviours your son is displaying are a real issue, and the root of the problem needs to be addressed before you can truly help him change his behaviour and give him better coping skills in life.

    I truly believe he is stuck in an "obssessive state", he's stuck mentally and I think what is driving his behaviour here is both a need for power/control as well as to feel validated (aka wanting attention). Him fighting you on not getting dressed and other daily things, is his way of trying to have some power/say in his own life, and him wanting to fight with you is also his way of craving your attention, even if its negative he feeds off it.

    You have the best of intentions here, but I stongly feel you are feeding into his bad behaviour here! You seem to have two tactics and its either you clash with him or you cave into him, those are the only two coping skills that you possess with him, and both are making this situation worse! Think of it as push/pull, your pushing him with one hand, and you are pulling him back in with the other, this is sending your son very mixed signals and only serving to further feed his confusion.

    These things you guys are fighting over, there is zero need for it! You are the parent and he is the child! When he says he doesn't want to get dressed, you send him to school in his pjs, you don't debate this with him and you don't respond when he argues back. He will learn real quick that its not socially acceptable to wear PJ's to school, the other kids will start picking at him and I can assure you he won't like that, he will then choose to wear his clothes to school without making it into world war 3 with you in the morning. When it comes to swimming, I would cancel his lessons for now, he is demonstrating he is clearly NOT ready for it, the fact he wont even pack a swimming bag shows it, it gets cancelled until he shows he can be more mature about it.

    I also would strongly recommend you get him into therapy.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Your son is a big baby. You should make him wear a sign to school all day that says "I'm a big baby" when he doesn't feel like getting dressed for school.

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  • 8 months ago

    He is testing you to see how far you will go, ignore him or tell him fine he will go in his pyjamas or stays off school and has no friends, he will soon grow out of it, obviously if it is something like the school tie he cant do then you help him

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  • 8 months ago

    you are fighting with a six year old.Ok he has to go to school, but if he does not want to get dressed, take him in his PJs

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  • 8 months ago

    rnaybe you can bribe hirn into it

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  • 8 months ago

    He's lazy and you are facilitating that by giving in to him. He knows it works, doesn't he? So much more convenient if we can all dig our heels in and wait for someone else to sort out our practical problems.

    It will take effort to get over this. Less reasoning and more firmness too, and a practical plan for reward for good behaviour.

    Start by leaving more time to get ready for things. Don't do anything last minute or you'll be forced to give in through pressure of lack of time.

    Let him choose his clothes the night before school, or any activity like swimming. Make him involved. Never mind if he puts things on wrongly or not to your standards.

    For a reward system, make a chart, get some sticky stars and award him one every time he does it right. Then every time he's got, say, 5 or 10 stars, give him a reward. It might be candy, but could also be a small toy, some spending money, a trip to McDonalds; whatever floats his boat. Or let him save his stars towards one big gift every so often.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    My friend's grandson said "No" fifteen times without stopping the other day. He'll grow out of it, the others did.

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