There are a few missing details. Are you also Muslim or are you interested?
The Prophet Muhammad (sallahallahu alaihi wasalam) said that women are married for 4: beauty, lineage, wealth, and religion; so whoever marries for religion (Islam specifically) will be successful.
The details you mentioned are showing us why that is, if there are religious conflicts, the marriage will not last. A Muslim (whether male or female) should never look at a person and think they'll change AFTER marriage. you know, in some situations if the person is a convert to Islam, that may be the case, if they're willing to change, but not just change, change QUICKLY. At a good pace.
In any case, as I don't know if you're Muslim or not, he isn't telling you to do anything that isn't bad. Covering up and not showing off your beauty to other men, what's wrong with that? I have no idea, what's wrong with getting a hair color that your husband likes? Subhanallah, who has a better right to enjoying your beauty than your own husband? This also applies to him as well, in Islam there is a huge reward for beautifying yourself for your husband alone. Reward that only Allah will present on the day of judgment as we Muslims believing in multiple heavens one on top of each other with varying levels/degrees, so the more good deeds one does the higher they are raised in heaven and the more enjoyable it will be forever.
This is also another reason why we Muslims marry based on faith in Allah, as Allah says in the Quran he will unite believing families in heaven, that means, even if your husband is raised higher than you in heaven, you will be raised to his level even if you didn't earn it.
As paradise is only for Muslims (all non-Muslims go to hell), it is also important that we marry another Muslim.
In any case, dying your hair black is forbidden in Islam, as that is the only color to my knowledge that is forbidden:
Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullah reported that Abu Quhaafah was brought on the day of the conquest of Makkah, and his head and beard were white like "thaghaamah" (a plant whose flowers and fruit are white). The Messenger of Allah (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said: "Change this with something, but avoid black." (Reported by Muslim, no. 3962).
Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "The Messenger of Allah (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said: ‘At the end of time there will be people who will dye their hair black like the crops of pigeons. They will never even smell the fragrance of Paradise." (reported by Imam Ahmad, see also Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 8153).
If your husband wants you to do your hair a certain way then why not indulge him for Allah's reward? Likewise he should also indulge your desires in him, as Allah will reward you for that, so long as it is permissible in Islam.
My advice to you, if you are Muslim, is to increase your faith in Allah, so that doing these things becomes easier, likewise, I would advise your husband to be gentle with you and to explain the benefit of each situation and the consequence, as I did here. Obeying the husband is also a rewarding good deed in Islam so long as he is not ordering you to do something Allah has forbidden. It is rewarding for the husband to treat his wife kindly in Islam as Allah mentions in verse 4:19 of the Noble Quran.
Think about the reward, that is Allah's incentive for you. Make more compromises until you have fully embraced faith and have tasted its sweet substance in your heart, at the moment you are doing things because your husband wants you to, you need to get to a point where you are doing things because Allah will be pleased with it and not because your husband wants it.
Based on your details I haven't seen him ordering you to do anything Allah has forbidden.
If you aren't Muslim, then I recommend you read the Noble Quran with Ibn Kathir's Tafsir interpretation which can be found eaisly 0nline so you can understand the Quran, and I invite you to become Muslim, as Islam is the only religion God will ever accept from mankind.