My husband is not very nice. He talks cruel to me, hits me in past, cheated on me while pregnant, and now is away on vacation with a lady.?

Why do I have trouble leaving him and why do i love him? How is it possible to have feelings for someone that does not have any good feelings toward me. Also he always says he wants to be with me forever and looks upset at the idea of me leaving. Why does he not want me to leave if he hates me.
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