What will you do if you were in my place? Advise with baby's future, health, wellbeing...?

I have recently lost my wife unexpectedly after having our first baby. The baby is almost 4 months old now. I have been living with my in laws since then (1.5 months) but I need to take a decision whether I go back to work or not.

My sis-in-law and my mother-in-law live in X country. My sister and mother live in Y country. My job is in Z country. I have asked my employer to transfer me to country X or Y and give me a job with flexible work hours but looks like it is not very possible, still waiting for their response. My feeling is it will be very difficult to return back to work leaving my son to my in laws or to my mom and sis from 8 to 5. I feel it is better to quit my job for a year or so till the baby is old enough to go to day care. I'm worried I wont get a job again especially my current job is giving me a very good salary and it will be a big risk. I'm not so concerned about career or money now, my number 1 priority is my son but im fearing that my savings will run out and my son's future may be compromised.

I'm confused on what to do. I feel I have to be around my son 24/7, I think this is because I'm so emotionally vulnerable now.

8 Answers

Relevance
  • 6 months ago
    Best Answer

    I would seek counseling if I were you. The tragedy of losing your wife is not allowing you to think reasonably which will effect every area of your life, including your baby. The reality is that you need your job, money doesn't grow on tree's and you will need help caring for the child when you are working. Infant childcare does exist or if your in-laws are available to do care for him, you could stick around, but need to get a job if you do. Personally, I think you should go back to your original job as soon as possible while it still exists.

    What you are suffering from is called separation anxiety and you are obviously still grieving the death of your wife. Grief takes time, it can't be rushed through, but you are using your son as coping mechanism to deal with that grief which is serving as a hurdle to the rest of your life (and its obvious, deep down inside your very sane mind knows it). You just need a little help sorting out these feelings from a professional, not seeing anyone long term.

    Sorry about your wife, congrats on the baby, and good luck.

  • kavana
    Lv 4
    6 months ago

    Take care of your son.Theres always welfare for both of yous for now.can always find another job but will only have 1 son with your late wife.sorry too hear.

  • 6 months ago

    they do have daycare for babies too

  • 6 months ago

    Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek a new job in the country where your mom and sis live, or as a second choice, where your in-laws live. Leaving a good job without having another one lined up is rarely wise – many employers would not understand and would wonder if you'd be a reliable employee.

    • Zancou6 months agoReport

      Yes this is what I'm trying to do. I have applied for few but nothing so far. I feel I don't have much time to take a decision.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 6 months ago

    Don’t see how you support yourself if you quit your job.

  • 6 months ago

    Don’t you have faith in your family. I helped take care of my niece in the morning while her parents had to work. My aunt took care of us when our parents had to work.

    • Zancou6 months agoReport

      It is not about faith. In my case, mother is not returning back in the evening after work... I will hardly spend any time with the baby (from 5 to 9 max).

  • 6 months ago

    Have you considered returning to the country where you have your job and hiring a nanny to care for your son while you are at work? I'm sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a wife.

    • Zancou6 months agoReport

      Baby us too young to leave him with nanny for extended time. My heart is telling me no.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    His music touches me ever so, I fear my tears might stain my petticoat.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.