well, please, JUST DON'T do it! no matter what!
I humbly guess you're young enough to be my son or so- to begin with.
and it sounds to me you're depressed and/ or traumatized deeply and severely...enough to urgently! need the professional help of a psychiatrist or so in real life, in your area, someone skilled in treating people of your age, with no further delay- given your suicidal thoughts....
yet beyond this....
I want you to understand that NO ONE and NOTHING is worth your paying the price of your life.
I want you to understand, as well, that such a ''try'' , to hurt yourself or take your life, even a ''failed'' one- can leave you both physically and further mentally disabled for good.
you clearly deserve much better than this.
I want you to understand you/ one can't know in advance whether his/ her life could get better and to what extent.
I want you to understand you're one of a kind: NEVER EVER was there ANYONE just like you, nor EVER AGAIN could there be such.
which is why your life is a holy enough shrine to thoroughly be protected, whatever it takes....