I feel like my old toxic friends/associates won when it came to my relationships with them...is this normal?
I felt like she (and all of the toxic friends/associates/bullies) won in a way, simply because I failed at making good friends after that. All the hate, bullying, and friendship rejections I went through influenced me to become a (temporary) mean woman because I was insecure about how guys felt I was ugly and how I wasn't good enough for genuine friends and I was just a joke because of my weirdness.
I don't want to start over by meeting new people because I failed at that. I went to a pole studio & weren't interested in me and two women hated me when I didn't do anything to them. I also tried to go to this international branch devoted to my home country. The people were nice, but they never wanted to interact with me outside the branch so I stopped going. To this day, I am still insecure and I feel like I'm not good enough for real friends which is why I may go back to my old ways of just picking horrible friends without complaining.