I m 23 and am making plans to be sterilized, but I m worried about what my mom will think. How can I get her to accept me?
I m a childfree individual, and the best choice for me is to have my tubes surgically removed. I m going to have to pay for about 20 percent of the procedure out of pocket. I ve been sure about this decision for a good, long time, and I know that if I ever choose motherhood, I want to adopt an older child. I was abused, and if parenthood calls to me, I want to help a child who was hurt. I ve also consulted my doctor and mental health professional, who have each given me the green light.
I m not religious, nor is my mom, and after a few years, she has started to accept that she s not getting any grandkids from me. (She already has 4 lol!) But I do live with her, and I don t know how to cope with the shame if she disagrees with my decision...
I was going to wait 2 and a half years until I m booted off of her catholic based insurance policy and get it done for free, but with the changes of abortion laws in my state of ohio, I m no longer willing to risk it. I m a virgin and will probably happily stay that way for a while, but you never know what life can throw at you.
How can I get my mom to side with me? She is usually a very nice and understanding person, what can I do to make it do she isn t ashamed of me or upset with me? She is the only person whose opinion I care about besides my own.
- Common SenseLv 77 months ago
What? Catholic insurance?
Anyway, you do not sound mature enough to be making this decision. Why do I say that? Because you are still worried about your mommy and you have mentioned the word "shame".
You do not need mommy's permission or consent, nor do you need her approval.
When you grow up and leave home, have the sterilization. She need not even know about it and therefore, she will not reject you. See, when you are a real adult, living on your own, with your own insurance, you can do anything you want without your mommy's knowledge.
Freedom is a great thing. Wait until you are free to do as you please. No one has to know.
- RosalieLv 77 months ago
You're way too young to make this decision- in fact, your brain will not even be fully mature until you are around 25. I guarantee you will think differently about this and a lot of other things 5 or 10 years down the road, so don't be in such a hurry to do anything so permanent and option-limiting. When and if the time comes, you will find a way to have it done legally in a state where true health care is offered. For now, consider helping one of the groups that is fighting for you right to make those decisions.
- PatriciaLv 47 months ago
It's a mistake. You may change your mind in your thirties. Instead of getting your tubes removed get them tied it's reversible. You're trying to stop yourself from ever being able to change your mind and you'll regret it. You need therapy for the abuse you're only twenty three and haven't come to realize it was them not you why mutilate yourself now because of what someone did in the past. You aren't mature enough to think this through. Take your time. I wish there was something I could have done differently.
- Love UnitedLv 67 months ago
What Dr green lighted this I work in healthcare and no Doctor would agree to this unless he ot she was crazy or you already had two or more biological children of your own.
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- Trivial OneLv 77 months ago
Why on Earth would you even tell her? It's not her business, and you don't have to please her on this very personal decision.
- FoofaLv 77 months ago
Laparoscopy is an outpatient procedure and if you have a good poker face Mom wouldn't even have to know you'd had the procedure.
- Pearl LLv 77 months ago
you dont have to have the surgery now if youre still a virgin, and if you ever do it its not your rnother's business
- Coach SimonLv 77 months ago
Supposing you meet a wonderful man when you are 28 or so and you really want to make a baby or two together and create a family. At your age now you are relatively immature (as were we all obviously); what you propose is a drastic and irreversible step that you might possibly live to regret very bitterly. You really be quite different in ten years time. Your mother cares about you - and was your age once! Please think very hard about this.
- KellyLv 77 months ago
What doctor did you see? Your primary care physician or an OB/GYN?
Your PCP may have green lighted you but most OB/GYN's (my mother-in-law is an OB/GYN) won't do a tubal-ligation on someone your age unless it's deemed medically necessary because many young people who have it done change their mind later.
The procedure you're describing is more so a hysterectomy rather than a tuba-ligation. An OB/GYN is also unlikely to perform a hysterectomy on someone your age unless it is medically necessary. Having a (total) hysterectomy will put you into menopause. If you have chronic pain from PCOS or Endometriosis they may consider it as a relief of pain, but even then there's still pain because those are endocrine disorders and you still have an endocrine system with or without your ovaries.
You mentioned that your insurance is through a Catholic organization, most Catholic sponsored health insurance plans do not cover sterilization procedures for women or men. I've worked for a Catholic healthcare company that has hospitals all over the US for 10 years and not only does their employer sponsored medical insurance not cover sterilization procedures, their facilities do not perform them. The only time they will do a hysterectomy is if it's after a woman gives birth and they can't stop the bleeding, which makes it medically necessary because it's life threatening at that point (she can bleed to death). They also don't do vasectomy's. For any non-emergency & non life threatening sterilization procedures they will refer them to facilities that do.
How were you planning to get it done for free off of your mom's insurance? This isn't a free procedure, it still has to be paid for. If you don't have any insurance that covers it, you're responsible for 100% of the bill. Tubal-ligation procedures can cost $6,000.
You may or may not change your mind on being a parent. My best friend that I've been friends with since we were about 22, she didn't want kids and she's 44 now, that never changed for her. She's happy being a foster mom to dogs. Me, I wanted kids but I was indifferent on biological or adopting and I have both biological and adoptive kids. Another friend of mine did have hysterectomy at your age and then regretted because later in life she did want kids, she ended up having a baby using a surrogate.
If you eventually meet a partner who also does not want children and you're both sure of that a vasectomy is a lot less invasive than a tubal ligation with a lot less down time. Depending on how it's done, you can be sidelined anywhere from 3-6 weeks afterwards. My husband is also a physician (just a different kind than his mom) and when we decided our family was complete since after the birth of our last baby, he opted to have a vasectomy done. He went back to work 2 days later.
- blankLv 57 months ago
I agree with Barry. You are an adult, clearly thought this through and have taken all the mature steps to seek counsel and advice from professionals. This is a highly personal decision and not even Mom needs to know.
The only other person on the planet that would ever need to know is a beau whom you might want to marry. It won't be the first thing you disclose to him, but it would have to be early on in a relationship to be fair to both of you.
Wish you the best.