Is Anyone else self aware of where we are? Spiritually.?

I don’t understand life. I believe in philosophy and the spirit realm. Both being true. I have my negative ghost stories, those come easy if you look for it. Even more rare I one day sarcastically asked god to meet a individual with 4 qualities. 1. Beauty specific to my eye, 2. A spirit that matches mine, 3. She... show more I don’t understand life. I believe in philosophy and the spirit realm. Both being true. I have my negative ghost stories, those come easy if you look for it. Even more rare I one day sarcastically asked god to meet a individual with 4 qualities. 1. Beauty specific to my eye, 2. A spirit that matches mine, 3. She believes in god with depth, 4 was that she be a specific mixed race on a side note. A few days later I met this girl, for the first time my imagination shattered. The devil kills steals and destroys but he doesn’t know the future. She isn’t my girl, Unfortunately i didn’t ask for a relationship, I just asked to meet someone who could take my mind off of who I thought was the love of my life if possible. Days before I told that girl it wouldn’t matter if god sent a girl specifically for me, then I met a girl specific of my prayers. So whoever god is only he could have answered. With that verified I’m lost. I feel highly self aware, and it’s frightening. There’s so much depth in the soul, and we all are set on short clocks. What holds meaning? A lot of choices are selfish or vein. I lost desire when I see how bad things are. Like a light, I try to do good. But darkness overwhelms. Does anyone relate?
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