I need help with which opening line is better for a story i m writing?

1: 22,243 people died that Friday and only one of them was innocent

OR

2: i wasn t the only one to day that day but i was the only one innocent

9 Answers

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  • 8 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Don't worry about the first line, you fix that in your 3rd or 4th rewrite. Just WRITE your story and get it down first, then go back and fix it.

  • 8 months ago

    I'd go with 2

  • 8 months ago

    #1. Because it sounds more exciting and interesting to read. And I want to keep reading more of the story. Good luck!

  • 8 months ago

    1!

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  • Marli
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    2 if you had proofread it before posting.

    1 makes no sense. 22,243 died that Friday in natural disasters, as victims of crimes, by accident, suicide, surgery, illnesses and old age. Few were executed for committing a crime.

    • Rick8 months agoReport

      i thank you very much for taking the time to reply, and i now see the error you were referring to and the 1st one was about mass homicide and or just spontaneous death.

  • 8 months ago

    Neither. They're both horrible in my opinion. The second one makes the character come across as smug and arrogant. Ew.

  • 8 months ago

    Yes, I'd go for 2. It's so bad that no sane reader will ever read beyond it, which would be good.

  • NONAME
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    # 2 does not make much sense....

  • 8 months ago

    I personally think the second one is better, but I guess it depends on whether you'd want to write it in first person or third person and which one you think fits the story best, unless you're doing a mix of both POVs.

    • Rick8 months agoReport

      thanks for your opinion, I'm going for a bit of both but mainly first-person point of view

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