Atheists, how do you explain away my conversion testimony below, (if you dare)?

10 years ago when I was sacrificing puppies in service to my former lord and master, Satan, two men rushed into my dungeon, held guns to my head. They started to rape me and demanded money. With nothing left to lose, I fell to the floor and cried out to the Lord to save me! At that exact moment, I heard a loud CLICK and realized one of my attackers had pulled the trigger but his gun jammed! My other attacker screamed, “Something is holding me back, and it just told me it is an angel of the Lord! Let’s scram!” They ran out faster than a bat out of hell ha ha. I accepted the Lord as my savior right then and there and haven’t looked back since.

Update:

I used to be an atheist.

Update 2:

500 people were there to witness the miraculous event.

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