Could I really like this guy or am I just lonely since my legal separation? Pls no smart remarks? How do I try to befriend him out of work?

My husband was (is) an abusive bastard and we have been legally separated since July, 9 months now and we have a 2 year old soon to be 3 yr old son next month. I work as Personal needs assistant at an elementary school. I'm 32 turning 33 in 3 wks and there's this permanent substitute that's been there for two months now that I've gotten to know just a little, but nothing major.When we have talked I've found out that he and his wife are legally separated, his wife accuses him and has accused him in the past of beating her and lies to the court on him to get extra child support $. He works two jobs, one is a 12 hr shift position, he's in school, and he subs to make ends meet for his children that are with his wife.I wasn't attracted to him at all when I first met him, but he's so sweet with the children and this is pre-k and I think it's just the sweetest thing how he is with them, but he comes to work tired from working his other job and going to school. Now that I've gotten to talk to him, he seems so much more mature (and he's older) than my husband. He just turned 41 3 wks ago and came to work that day.I'm shy, but when I start to like a guy I can get chatty and I don't want him to think I'm into him in anyway. He's tall, has a nice built. He's probably too busy to hang (not date yet because he's still legally married til next month and I'm still legally married til july).I saw he has a fb page but that would be so obvious that I'm into him and he may not even like me.

7 Answers

  • 2 years ago

    LOL.. You can't "lie to the court" to get extra child support. Child support is based on income. The more he makes, the more he pays. End of story.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    You may just see a kindred spirit in him as his life sort of echoes your own. But as both of you will require some decompression time to adjust after ending your respective marriage it's probably best to just be friends for the time being.

  • D C
    Lv 5
    2 years ago

    You both should refrain until legally divorced. I would also advise you both to take at least a year off from dating to re-learn yourself. don't rush back in.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    This is downright scary. So is the answer you got encouraging you. I'm assuming this came from a well intended, but clueless, teen.

    Slow your roll. It's good you got out of an abusive marriage, but that doesn't mean much if you're hot on the trail of someone new. Have you considering counseling to understand better how you ended up with an abuser? There are always red flags, and you missed them.

    Don't you think it makes sense to try to heal and understand all that before you chase someone else? If you hadn't brought an innocent child into this mess, my answer would be different. But that child needs you to make much better decisions, ALWAYS putting his welfare first. You're off to a terrible start if you think jumping into a new relationship makes any kind of sense from a parenting standpoint.

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  • Ana
    Lv 6
    2 years ago

    Has your husband actually physically hit you? Or is it just verbal?

    Because if your husband has not physically hit you, but YOU are the one badmouthing him publicly to other people and calling him horrible names, then it sounds like YOU are just as abusive as HIM- if not even more!

    I mean you are over here bragging about lusting over another man and wanting to cheat on your husband. I think you are the problem. (UNLESS your husband has physically hit you... and in that case, only if you did not hit him first more than once)


    And I'm a woman myself, I'm just calling it like it is

  • 2 years ago

    Please don't. Please. You are attracted to abusers and you are lonely. This guy is still MARRIED as are you. He has a hot mess of a life right now. You do NOT need invite that kind of trouble into your personal life or your work life.

    Step # 1: Finalize your divorce.

    Step # 2: Fill your current loneliness with FEMALE friends and activities.

    Step # 3: Please consider getting some counseling because you are attracted to abusers.

    Step # 4: AFTER you are happy, whole, and single, look for a guy outside of work to date.

    Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    I think this guy sounds like someone who you genuinely like. I definitely think there is a chemistry there. What you need to do is to give this guy subtle hints that you are interested in him. For example, doing things like complimenting him and telling hm how much you enjoy his company are to great ways of doing this. In terms of getting him to hang out with you, what you could do is perhaps see if he is interested in getting something to eat or drink after work. Alternatively, you could ask him for a lift home. Basically, you want to keep things simple and small and build from there. Look at his body language and the way he responds when you give him the hints that I mentioned before. If you notice him getting closer to you emotionally then you will know for sure that there is something there. I really hope this helps :)

    Source(s): Has this guy ever done or said anything that has made you think he could like you? Has he ever said anything about having free time?
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