Should i feel ashamed?

I am a 56 year old woman from India who is a physician and has been living in the US for 30 years. I have a successful career and active social life, but have had no sex or dating life. I am very tall and obese at 6'7 weighing 320 pounds. I actively chased men for 30 years looking for dating and sex. I searched... show more I am a 56 year old woman from India who is a physician and has been living in the US for 30 years. I have a successful career and active social life, but have had no sex or dating life. I am very tall and obese at 6'7 weighing 320 pounds. I actively chased men for 30 years looking for dating and sex. I searched from bars, friend circles, hobbies, parks, even online but I have been rejected every time,

I then resorted to seeing male escorts. I have been seeing 3 different male escorts for the past year They are all white men, between 20-24, 6'0-6'2, weighing 200-220 pounds with a muscular figure. The sex has been truly amazing, and I feel happy to experience the pleasure Ive been missing for years. There is stigma so I obviously don't want people to know besides close friends. Of the close friends who know they have mixed feelings.

Ive spent almost 80k on them. I don't care about the money because I am financially well off. I am proud that I have a very successful career and education, traveled the world, built strong social networks with successful people, and made many close friendships. I just accepted that Sex and Romance, was not a strong point for me. I am a wealthy successful woman, and that I should be able to enjoy a quality sex life.
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