Harder to let go when you didn’t have a choice?

It’s been almost 2 years and I still haven’t got over my ex husband. We were only married for 9 months but we were together for 3 years. We had a rocky relationship but I would blame that him being mentally ill and never getting help. I found out him and my 18 year old sister were messing around (he’s 24) and he... show more It’s been almost 2 years and I still haven’t got over my ex husband. We were only married for 9 months but we were together for 3 years. We had a rocky relationship but I would blame that him being mentally ill and never getting help. I found out him and my 18 year old sister were messing around (he’s 24) and he ended up getting her pregnant. I hated him for it and left him. My sister and I are trying to have a relationship but it’s hard when her 1 year old child was my step child at one point. I have since moved away from everyone and started a new life but I am still so hurt. I cry when I think about it and can’t see myself loving again because I don’t want to be hurt. Any advice and no, I don’t want to go to therapy...I’ve tried and it’s very irritating
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