My grandma passed away last month after being married with my grandpa for 54 years and I'm worried about him. Advice?
So my grandma passed away of leukemia last month after being married with granpa for 54 years. They met when they were 16. He fought in vietnam,then he went into hardware and had a hardware store. He says he's fine but I'm not so sure about it. He's a Marine, he's tough,I never saw him cry,but I know he misses her. He never talks about her. He hasn't even mentioned her yet since her funeral. He seems happy on the outside and frequently smiles but I'm worried about him. How shall I help him?
- Anonymous10 months agoFavorite Answer
You can help him by being the person unafraid to mention the elephant in the room. Many people don't bring up the lost loved one, fearing they'll add to the hurt, when it's better for the bereaved to be able to talk about her.
So when you see your grandpa, there will be times when your thoughts just naturally turn to your grandma. Instead of keeping that to yourself, speak up. "These dishes were Grandma's favorites, right?" or "Grandma always said she'd read Time magazine but I don't think she did." Whatever your thought was, so long as it doesn't diss her.
People long married have to create a new normal that includes seeing other people. If he isn't social, encourage him to get out, even if it's just shared errand running. He needs to leave home, talk to other people, and do things for pleasure. Visits and calls will be more important to him now, breaking the silence in her absence.
I'm sorry for your loss, and his.
- Serene ELv 710 months ago
You should be worried. Be with him. Doesn't matter what he says, he's grieving and he's lonely.
- PatriciaLv 710 months ago
You can make it a point to visit him once a week or so... maybe take him to lunch or do something with him which he likes to do. You didn't say if he was active, but think about his level of health and what he likes doing in his spare time.. even if it's something as simple as playing a few games of cards, he will appreciate the company and look forward to seeing you when you can get there.
Im sure he misses your grandmother too... it's natural. Hopefully he will find other people his own age to interact with, as well. If he likes to play golf or has some sort of activity he's done with friends, and continues, this is a good thing.
bless his heart
- KellyLv 710 months ago
Let him grieve in his own way, not how you think he should.
My dad died when I was in my 20's and he was in his late 50's. The day of my dad's funeral after the service I went to a candle party and then went bowling. All with some friends of the family, my immediate family we all went. He and my mom were married for 40 years, she did all of that too.
In grief, you can either find ways to keep busy and work on moving forward in life or sit around and feel sorry for yourself. The sit around and feel sorry for your option generally makes your grief worse and slows the healing process.
Me going to a candle party then bowling after his funeral was something my dad would have wanted us to do or rather find something do we enjoyed. I always tell my family that I have plenty of money in life insurance and saved so they can go grieve for me in the Bahamas, Hawaii or any other place they'd like to go... on me. I love to travel and it's something that I'd like to know they enjoyed instead of also sitting around and feeling sorry for their self. I've let it be known I want to be buried, not cremated and I want a closed casket if they opt for a service but really, they can forgo the service and just have a party.
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- JanetLv 710 months ago
Life has sorrow and loss in it. It happens to everyone, and sometimes often.
And the older we are, often the more skill we have at handling these things.
There is nothing wrong with missing someone we have lost. This is normal. And it can take a year to adjust (which is why some European countries have the custom of widows wearing black for a year after their spouse has died).
The more we open to our sorrow and loss, the more we RELAX into it and just allow it to be there .. the less it pushes us and the better we cope.
I think your fear is self-generated.
You report that he ACTS fine, and usually that is a good indication of how someone is coping.
He's a lot older than you and hopefully has had a great many more years to learn how to cope with his emotions.