Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 year ago

How do I tell my husband that I don't want a baby?

I'm 25 and my period is late for 11 days now. This isn't normal so I got a gut feeling that I could be pregnant and took a test. It came out positive even tho I've been on birth control. Talk about luck? I NEVER want a kid and my husband was always aware. He always said "Okay but we will see when the time comes" just like everyone else, but I still strongly don't want a baby. I'm extremely upset over this and still haven't told him even though it has been 2 days now. I'm not sure how to approach him and our families? For God's sake I've only been married for a year now. A baby is not in my list and never will be.

Update:

He didn't want a baby either but for him it was like "If it happens, it happens, but I don't want one."

12 Answers

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  • Akeath
    Lv 7
    1 year ago
    Favorite Answer

    It might be best to lead with your not wanting a child first, because that's the most important thing that he needs to hear. Like, "I've told you many times that I don't want to have children, and I still adamantly feel that way. I tested positive for an over the counter pregnancy test."

    He might have avoided thinking about things. So it would probably benefit your guys' marriage if you went together to a pro-choice gynecologist (make sure not to accidentally go to one of those bogus crisis centers) and schedule another pregnancy test along with what is called Options Counseling, where they basically go into detail about your choices and how everything will work in the nuts and bolts of the abortion and whether you'll be able to do a medical abortion with a pill at this stage, the development of things so far, and other health info so that they can answer any questions that may come up. That way he'll have an educated third party go over options factually and get past all the stigma and misinformation that either of you may have heard and hopefully help you two make an informed decision. I would make going to that something that you both agree to regardless of whether any other agreements are made that first conversation.

    Ultimately, it is your choice on what to do. But if you make this choice without your husband's input and he ever finds out about it, that will likely be the end of your marriage. After being presented with the facts, having a doctor describe what's happening at this point of the pregnancy, and having a talk, he may agree to an abortion. There may even be something wrong with the fetus or pregnancy that you discover at the Gynecologist that makes abortion necessary, or the facts shown in there could make either of you change your minds. Or your husband may not be able to handle an abortion, but your marriage may survive an adoption, open or closed. It is possible that your husband may want to divorce you and raise the child alone as a single parent without your financial help. There are lots of ways this could go. But being married means that you work as a team, and this is a big enough decision that you should at least make an attempt at not doing it unilaterally. That's part of being married.

    Good luck, whatever happens.

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  • 1 year ago

    Put the baby up for adoption and wonder when your an old women what ever happened to the child. Start using rubbers or get your man a vasectomy or you can get a Hysterectomy.. problem solved

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  • 1 year ago

    You have something to discuss with your husband, it seems. So do that. Be calm as possible and talk about how YOU feel.

    If you don't know how to approach your own husband ? There is a HUGE communication problem in your marriage. I could always tell my guy anything - good, bad or ugly

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Why don’t you want a baby? Do you just hate your race?

    Way I see it is, Mexicans and blacks populate like flies, we need our population to get up there too, otherwise we’ll be outnumbered. If you can afford the baby, then welcome it!

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Adoption please, do not murder this child.

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  • 1 year ago

    The Lord God Almighty Himself has touched your womb and placed a soul in the body you and your husband have created for it. A little humility would probably be a more appropriate response.

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Unborn human beings are living, separate, and unique. From the moment of fertilization – better known as conception – a new human life is in existence.dont be selfish...A child does not deserve to die because her mother and/or her father were irresponsible. A child is completely innocent. A child did not decide that his parents would have sex or that they would use ineffective contraception. An unborn child is always innocent and should never be punished. Time does not erase murder or ease the reality of what it is. Abortion is a cruel tragedy, but it is also a choice that should never be made. Such a choice stays with us forever. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right. And just because it’s often a hidden choice doesn’t mean it won’t stay with you forever.

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    DO NOT MURDER YOUR CHILD!!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    That is going to cause problems for sure in the marriage if you two don't agree here. His half hearted answer to your disinterest in having children, shows a problem exists where he is probably hoping you'll magically change your mind at some point. One question I have to ask you is, is there any possibility that he messed with your bc? I've known some men to be really sneaky about tricking their wives into getting pregnant, he wouldn't be the first one to try it. If you were taking bc on the regular, you should have been protected, so you really haven't done anything wrong here. That said, you are going to have to approach this while you still have choices so honesty is the best way to get this message through. Expect him to be upset...that's natural. He probably will hear that you got positive pg result and then shut off to hearing anything else...so give it a few days to sink in. If however, he refuses to support your decision, go see a counselor or therapist so you have some moral support behind you. You have the right to not want children, some people are just not built to handle parenthood but you need to have realistic expectations of what your future may look like from this point forward. Good luck.

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  • Kayla
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    This question really belongs in Marriage & Divorce so I'm going to move it for you.

    I can't understand how or why you would choose to marry someone who wants a child when you strongly don't. Most things in life, couples can agree to disagree. Having a child is not one of those things.

    "

    How do I tell my husband that I don't want a baby?" Well, it sounds like you have already told your husband, and the rest of your family, that you do not want a baby. And now it sounds like you have no choice but to tell him that you are pregnant. Ultimately it's your body so you can determine what you do with your pregnancy, but just know this: it is going to affect your marriage no matter what-- for better or worse.

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