Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 year ago

Can you live with a vengeful wife? Can marriage continue?

Me & my wife been having problems for last 6 months. She doesnt express herself which always leave be clueless then things suddenly come out when she is angry. It is like me always trying to solve and she only trying to complain. Then at some point with all the stresses i made a mistake. I went into having random sex with different women for a month while i was still trying to work on my relationship which actually started to improve. Then i started to receive messages from different numbers threatening that they found out i was married and that they ll inform my wife and my work colleagues about my promiscuity. That continued over a month and i was so distressed but ignored them. Then one day my wife came crying as she received a message telling her i been having sex with other women. I denied it and told her i ll report to the police. At that point she said she found out about me and it was her sending the messages.

I m not denying my mistake but it wasnt me. It was just a phase and had i not been unhappy in my marriage i d have never done it. I d have prefered if she came to me and spoke about it and we worked on it together. The fact that she was sending these messages yet smiling and completely normal while seeing me distressed is scary. Its rather criminal.

She also didnt deny that she reacted wrong and she only did that becz she wanted me to come and confess it to her.

Is her reaction to what i did is normal? I feel unsafe with her.

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    Favorite Answer

    You both have valid points. I agree she’s the primary one who started the underlying issues, but you cheating obviously caused a much bigger issue as cheating is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship, (short of harming them physically or falsely accusing them to police/the public).

    You were cheating and lying to her face, which to be fair is just as bad (or at least 99% almost as bad) as her tormenting you on purpose.

    There’s schools of thought as to “who is worse” here, but what good has finger pointing ever accomplished?

    What you guys need to do is sit down and talk and ask yourself, “Ok look, we agree this marriage got f*ucked up, but here’s the bottom line: We both have things we need to fix. So here’s the major question: DO WE WANT TO STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP AND FIX THINGS, OR NOT?

    If either you or her DONT want to fix things, then you unfortunately may need to divorce.

    (Continued in sources)

    Source(s): If you both DO wanna fix things and stay married, then your next question is: Can both of us acknowledge what WE did wrong in the relationship, and work to fix it? If the answer is “yes”, then good! You both need to sit down and write down what the other person did wrong to you, and also what you think you yourself did wrong. Then you and your wife should compare and contrast notes. You both need to agree that you’ll 100% work to stop anything your spouse says bothers them/wrong things that you do... EVEN IF you don’t think it’s a big deal that you do it!!! It isn’t ABOUT YOU, it’s about THEIR feelings regarding your bad behavior. And she should feel the same way regarding YOUR complaints/requests as to what she fix. If you guys try this and end up fighting or can’t make it work, then you need to book a session with a qualified, licensed professional marriage counselor. Preferably a Christian one
    • ...Show all comments
    • Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      Then you both need to work on your behaviors. You need to show her more love and compassion and attention. And she needs to act respectful, loving, courteous, submissive and kind to you, her husband. She needs to act as a wife should and you act like a husband should.

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  • tammy
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    No

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  • 1 year ago

    No. My wife and I are just fine.you keep the vengeful one.

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  • 1 year ago

    Buddy you didn't "a make a mistake" you made several CHOICES to cheat on your marriage, and no, you don't get away with calling it a "mistake". You planned to make the opportunity, you went there, had sex and came home with a smirk on your face. You were probably happy that you had deceived your wife, and were still banging her as well. Does that sound like "just" a mistake? HELL NO! So own it.

    She wants you to.

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  • 1 year ago

    You're lucky she didn't cut your penis off. You caused all the crap and now you're trying to blame it on her. It seems like you and your wife don't know how to communicate with each other.

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  • 1 year ago

    You have a clever wife and it seems you might require a stupid one instead. This marriage may be unsafe for both of you.

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  • mmm
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    So you cheated ...and lied and smiled right to her face....and that's ok....got it psycho....

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    You both are messed up

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