Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 12 months ago

What do you think about the plot of my short story (Brief)?

The story begins with describing a 35 year old chemistry professor, who's not handsome at all, but he has a very good heart. He enters a classroom where one of his students, who's a lovely 18 year old woman is looking at him. She has a crush on him and he doesn't know anything about it. The whole story happens in a week. The young woman watches her professor's actions (even his prayer at the church) meticulously, while she's wondering whether she must confess that she's in love with him or not. She first plans to write a letter for him, but she doesn't dare do this. She then decides to buy him a present, but she finds this idea a bit childish. So, she does nothing and concludes that it's best for both of them to keep her feelings secret forever. But when she finds out by one of the professors and he has been diagnosed with leukemia and he's now in the hospital, she immediately decides to see him. There in the hospital, she confesses her love in front of him. He says nothing, but although he's a shy person, he doesn't resist when she touches his hand. He dies shortly after that.

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  • Marli
    Lv 7
    12 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's a sweet plot. Good luck with it.

    • Marli
      Lv 7
      12 months agoReport

      I'll agree with Me. Bittner and Nikki that stalking is not ok; but the character is young and she is besotted with her teacher. Obsessed people will folllow their obsession. The story is "dated" because of new advaces in cancer therapies. It seemed a la O Henry. But it could be a practice piece.

  • Jahal
    Lv 5
    12 months ago

    It sounds familiar because it seems hackneyed. Although this is a short story, the plot reflects the fantasies of men in the film industry, odd looking guys who never got girls in high school, and who make movies where middle age, mediocre looking guys have affairs with attractive teenage or very young adult females. Blame it on Brazil, As Good as it gets, Something's gotta Give, Sabrina, Manhattan, Crazy Heart, Elegy, and so on.

    Because of the formulaic nature, the plot sounds more like a secret personal desire than an engaging story.

  • 12 months ago

    How about he has the crush on her, she isn’t into him but takes pity on him in hospital and says she feels the same way because he is dying, then he finds out he was misdiagnosed and is going to be fine..

  • 12 months ago

    Sounds like basic teen romance, all cliche.

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  • 12 months ago

    As a writer, it seems forced. As if you want it to be about unrequited love, and that was a more creative way you thought it could happen.

    I suggest opening your mind to possibilities while examining the reasons for your choices.

    1) Is the age of the female important? Imagine her as a non-traditional student (going back to finish a degree). Write the ideas that come to you as you visualize her at different ages, or as a fellow teacher, volunteer, assistant, grad student, etc., maybe not a new student, unless that is critical to the story.

    2) Why does it appeal to you that the man is unaware, shy, and then unable to talk about any kind of relationship (even friendship)? Imagine different situations. Maybe he is unaware at first, then is unable to communicate for a while, but we hear what his character is thinking and feeling?

    3) Is the female’s touch the end of everything? How do you want your readers to feel?

    Writing from the heart is better than being clever or different!

  • 12 months ago

    You need some paragraphs.

  • 12 months ago

    Sounds too sad for me, have him live snd let them marry

  • Athena
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    What do you care?

    If I, a total stranger, do not like it will you stop writing forever?

    Writers are story tellers.

    If you have a story to tell then tell it DARN IT !!!!

    Stop nip picking on what other people think all the time.

    Good luck.

  • David
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    It's not something I would read.

  • 12 months ago

    Sounds boring.

    Sorry but I find its not original and it's far fetched...

    Maybe suitable for harlequin novels (do they even still exist?).

    • PB12 months agoReport

      Harlequin novels have happy endings

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