I hate my life I just want it to end?

My whole highschool career was trash especially sophomore and junior year. Sophomore year as when I had the most anxiety and depression thanks to 2 girls who would bully me in class and my only close friend would ditch me for new ones. I felt so lonely and left out especially since my friends new group said I made... show more My whole highschool career was trash especially sophomore and junior year. Sophomore year as when I had the most anxiety and depression thanks to 2 girls who would bully me in class and my only close friend would ditch me for new ones. I felt so lonely and left out especially since my friends new group said I made them feel awkward and creeped out cuz I wouldn’t talk. That’s cuz I’m really bad at conversation, so I can see why she would be embarrassed and hardly hang out with me. I would be a complete loner at lunch and it was so sad. Luckily it got a bit better junior year but not as much cuz I would still feel the same. My friend would always make me feel bad cuz of my mental illness and would tell me I wouldn’t try hard enough and that I’ll never change. I knew she was just trying to help me but I regret not defending myself . Even if I try, things still end up the same . Even now in senior year I’m having the worst depression due to things that were my fault and that I could have done better . It’s so hard not mourning the past especially when I could have done something to prevent the painful years I went through. I just hope life gets better although I doubt it cuz my social anxiety will never let me experience real happiness.
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