How do I let go of a longtime grudge?
Usually I'm able to let go of grudges, but I can't seem to let go of this one.
I'm in the 10th grade, and I now go to an online charter school. When I was in the 7th grade, anonymous people wanted to let me go to this private school, and they told me that it was to give me a better school experience. I live in the deep south, but I just moved here at the time (about a year in), so I didn't realize that even though racism isn't everywhere here, it's in little pockets. This school was one.
I was treated terribly, kids bullied me all of the time, they would make Black jokes and kind of hint that they were talking about me but tell me “It was a joke”, and they would ask me why I “talk White”. When I was disciplined for a two-way issue, I was suspended and sent to a therapist while the other girls were given a warning.
Of course, I left, but soon after leaving I found out that the real reason I was given a scholarship was because the school only had 2 Black kids and wanted to seem more diverse, and the school wanted government funding, which is what they would use to upgrade their school because the school was pretty bad now that I think of it. Even though it's been 3 years, I'm still pretty upset about this whole thing. How do I get over this?
- LaurieLv 72 years agoFavorite Answer
There is a difference between "getting over" something and forgetting it altogether.
If you're not functioning well, or if your memories of this situation are stopping you from doing things you want to do, or causing you to lose sleep, or keeping you from meeting people you would like to know... then you may need some professional help -- therapy.
However, if that is NOT true -- if you ARE functioning well -- then you probably HAVE "gotten over" it...
If THAT is true... I don't think you SHOULD forget it. I would consider it a "formative experience". A formative experience is something that helps make you into the person that you are today. This experience, for example, has raised your awareness that racism is alive and well in the United States -- ESPECIALLY in the South -- and I, for one, think is is far more prevalent than simply "in pockets". I live in Texas and I see it EVERY DAY.
That doesn't mean you have to live your life from a core of defensiveness and anger. But don't trivialize it, either. In order to fight against something, you have to first acknowledge it is there.
Make it part of your life's mission to stand up for what is right, to teach your children to do the same, and to not accept racist treatment that you will, sadly, encounter off and on throughout your whole life. Use this awful experience as a springboard to sort out the intentional racists, who deserve condemnation, from the ignorant racists, who by your actions may learn to behave better.
It's not fair that we have to teach others how to behave -- that's their parents' job. But it beats going to war, day after day after day.
- 2 years ago
It's hard to move past issues like gender, age, race, and disability discrimination and mistreatment. Because it isn't your fault, you have displaced resentment. You can't blame a single entity. It was your friends, peers, school, town, etc. Point is, healing will be pretty hard. I won't lie. I am still salty over being mistreated for my race in elementary school (I am in college now, so trust me I get it).
You can start from the bottom and address any memories you have. Realize you did nothing wrong and there will be people who are trashy. This helps me because I feel better knowing I didn't do anything worth bullying. I am sure the same applies to you.
- KLBLv 62 years ago
letting it go will give you freedom you cannot imagine until you experience it
- Anonymous2 years ago
Some people can't let go of a grudge and some people can it just how it is.Remember everyone different and you can't do nothing about it.