The conversation goes like this:
"Stop what you are doing right now."
"Take one more cut, and I call the cops on an armed intruder. I don't care if I'm going to see you on the other side of the turkey at Thanksgiving, you have an axe and I didn't invite you onto my property. Armed intruder."
"You will gather each and every everloving twig of my poor trees and bundle them into your car. Yes, you're taking the corpses of your victims home with you."
"Then you and I are going to the nursery - no, not Home Depot - and we are going to pick out the biggest, most beautiful Aristocrat Pears I can find, as near as possible to the same size as the ones you just killed, and you are going to install them, or else pay for their installation. Oh yes you are. Oh yes you are. Hello, police? I'd like to report an armed intruder. Oh, now you're willing to go shopping for trees? Okay."
"It's very simple. Either you fund and administer the complete replacement of my trees, or you get a police record. Choose. No, this is not my fault, I didn't cut down any trees."