How can I tell my friend about what's going on??? I mental health, self harm, etc, I just need someone to talk to?

Hi, I'm 16 and I wanna start by saying that I can NOT get professional help. It's a miracle that I'm actually considering telling my friend and I know she's not a therapist, I don't expect that from her at all. I just want her to know what's happening with ne because I just feel so fake and... show more Hi, I'm 16 and I wanna start by saying that I can NOT get professional help. It's a miracle that I'm actually considering telling my friend and I know she's not a therapist, I don't expect that from her at all. I just want her to know what's happening with ne because I just feel so fake and I want her to know me. I've been friends with her for about 9 years and she knew that I struggled with some depression and self harm in 6th and 7th grade but she thinks I'm completely fine now. She talks to me about these sort of things but I never feel like there's an opening for me to say something and I don't want to make it about me because I want her to know I'm here for her but I can't stand helping everything inside. I'm more depressed than I've ever been and I recently started self harming again, but much worse and in a very hidden spot so I know nobody will ever see it. I want her to know that I'm not ok but also, I am extremely socially awkward and don't know how to put feelings into words (especially when taking to someone). I don't know when or how to bring it up... What do you think? Thanks for answering.
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