Im really sad and suicidal?

I feel really sad all the time, and i have done for years. I contemplate suicide more than i should, im 16. I feel lonely because my friends never ask about me despite me constantly asking about them when my problems are far more serious but obviously theirs are just as important. I dont want to stop being their... show more I feel really sad all the time, and i have done for years. I contemplate suicide more than i should, im 16. I feel lonely because my friends never ask about me despite me constantly asking about them when my problems are far more serious but obviously theirs are just as important. I dont want to stop being their friend because i like having friends. We go to parties together and get drunk, i cry everytime i dont know why. The solution to that is to stop drinking but i dont want to stop I just want to forget and drinking helps me do that but then I remember and cry. Last night my friends and i fell out dont really remember why it, i was crying hard and they just danced in front of me like i wasn’t there. I went and got a knife and i tried to kill myself by slitting my wrists (which i havent done in years) it didnt work because it wasnt sharp enough. Now i have nasty cuts and feel more lonely. I’m my own problem, people think i have it all, im considered attractive by boys, popular, young. But life is hell for me. I dont want to pity myself, theres noone to talk to because my friends dont understand and give bad advice and i feel worse. Im not close to any of my family, my step dad was emotionally abusive all my life till he kicked me out at 15, now i live with my mum but we dont talk much and i dont want to tell her. Im scared im going to kill myself, i genuinely dont want to die.
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