It's great that you are reaching out for help. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your two best friends. It's understandable that you are experiencing a lot of emotional pain but it sounds like your pain has become unbearable for you. Be assured that as time passes you will feel better but there is no time line for grief.
It's so important that you reach out for support from a trusted adult such as a parent, school counselor, teacher, coach, or minister. We would suggest getting involved in grief counseling and/or a grief support group. It may help you to talk to a counselor at a hotline. Know that there is help out there for you and you are not alone.
Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000, www.yourlifeyourvoice.org