Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 2 years ago

Did I give my friend good advice? What would be your advice?

I got a call from my friend Alice who wanted to meet me for lunch. She had a problem she wanted my advice on. At lunch, she told me her son in law (her daughter’s husband) wanted her to loan him some money. She had already made him 3 loans and he had not paid any of those 3 loans back. She wanted to know if she should make him a 4th loan.

I told her this is a VERY TOUGH situation. She should probably consider the 3 pervious loans as gifts as the odds are VERY LOW they will be paid back. I told her I think the best approach would be to tell him that after he paid back the previous loans, she would consider making him a new loan.

I told her to be prepared from a bad reaction from him and also possibly from her daughter. If there are grand children involved, be prepared to hear you will not see your grand children again.

I told Alice to think very carefully what she wanted to do. I predict if she made another loan, there will be a request for a 5th loan in the future.

I hope I gave her good advice. Do you think I did?

4 Answers

  • Janet
    Lv 7
    2 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it is HER choice.

    If she wants to GIVE him some money, she can do so. But not to expect to be paid back.

    If she is afraid of his reaction, and perhaps even the reaction of her daughter, then she has to decide if giving him the money is worth the price of keeping the peace.

    Another consideration is how much spare money your friend has.

    And another ... she COULD draft up a Legal Contract, to be signed by uninvolved witnesses, that include a pay-back schedule for repaying a loan. And recourse to the Courts if he should default.

    Another possibility is to meet with the son-in-law AND with the daughter, and to discuss your friend's hesitancy to loan more money when the first three loans have not been paid back. If the daughter gets upset with mom .. well, mom raised her that way. It is too late now to change the daughter.

    And still another possibility is to offer to arrange for financial counselling for the two of them. Obviously they are having trouble handling money, and the greatest gift she can provide is to set up this counselling. Perhaps even to pay for the counseling INSTEAD of loaning yet-again MORE money.

    Possibly, she could just say she has no more money to "loan" out.

    But she is not loaning them money. They are treating her money as a gift. So .. GIVING more money is NOT going to help them out in the long-run. And giving money to avoid anger is a form of being blackmailed. Also SHE is not responsible for THEIR financial matters. They are adults, and she isn't helping them any by giving ("loaning") them money.

    I think you gave her VERY GOOD advice.

    There WILL be a 5th request, a 6th request, etc. It will go on endless unless she changes her own response.

    But ... it is up to her. Sometimes we accept things we don't want to accept because we want to keep the relationships going. You can be "in the right" and be very alone.

    Myself .. I would look for a better solution to their financial problems. One that DOESN'T involve ME bailing them out continually.

  • 2 years ago

    Yes, but I might have offered that if the money didn't mean that much to her, but she wanted something else (time with kids), she might try a loan with different payment options. Like kids have to visit x times a month until it is paid back.

  • 2 years ago

    If they can ask for money with no history of your being paid, I believe you're owed an explanation as to where it's going. Then how its going to be paid back.

  • 2 years ago

    I think so. No further loans should be made to a defaulter like him without collateral anyway.

    What's it for... enabling a drug dependency?

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.