Girls how would you feel if your ex done this to you post break up?
My ex and I were together for 2 years until he told em he didn't love me anymore and felt differently. Completely took me out of the blue, the day before we were planning a holiday together. Anyway fast forward 6 weeks i collect my stuff from him and he tells me he is going on a sun holiday for a week two days after that meeting, with another guy from work and two girls he works with. He said they were "friends" but wouldn't even tell me their names and never mentioned them throughout the relationship. In addition, we had planned to go away that particular week and our baby (we had a miscarriage in Dec) was supposed to be due that week that he was away. Yes I know he fell out of love he can do what he likes etc please dont give me that line. I am obviously hurt and angry but would love to here girls how would you feel if you were in my shoes? TIA
- JanetLv 72 years ago
What happens was that you both mistook "infatuation" for love.
Oh, infatuation is VERY heady and exciting, passionate, and all-consuming.
And temporary. Our brain goes back to its previous functioning, and the passion dies out.
Infatuation is not love, and it is not even the nature of what lasting love is about.
Until the infatuation has died out, we don't even SEE the other person clearly. And often we find that once we do start to see them .. we don't like them, after all. Not without the infatuation "high".
And some people are addicted to infatuation, can even spend a life-time of 1 to 3-year-long relationships, but none of them ever lasting.
No, those girls probably were not "friends". He probably just wanted to avoid an unpleasant emotional scene with you if he told the truth. Not condoning lying, but guys are not raised to handle emotions well, and many of them will lie to avoid unpleasant emotional scenes. Especially if the girl is prone to getting upset.
What would I do?
I would open to my hurt, relax into it, and give myself some constructive cognitive self-statements to reprogram the pathways in my brain that are currently feeding my victim-attitude and my sense of being wronged. These result in anger. Anger is always a secondary emotion, meaning that we use anger to try to regain a sense of helplessness (silly, since in may instances we ARE helpless), OR to hide our pain/fear from our conscious awareness (which accomplishes nothing).
The biggest problem with anger is that the more we indulge it and dwell on it, the more it causes physical stress. And 80-90% of our physical health problems have some link with stress .. . even CAUSED mainly by stress. Especially immuno-related problems, such as ... well, cancer, for one.
So stop dwelling on what has happened. You cannot change it. There is nothing constructive that can come from dwelling on it .. only unhappiness and illness.
If you are not COMPLETELY over this within 12 months, talk with a therapist to learn the tools and skills. Of course, you don't HAVE to wait 12 months .. you can start now, and make your recovery period significantly shorter.
Your solution lies inside of you. Love yourself enough to start seeking it.
- 2 years ago
You can't actually expect a guy you're no longer dating to care about the would be birth date of a spontaneous abortion can you?
Let me explain this to you.
When you got pregnant, he was freaking out. His thoughts were along the line of "OK single life is over, baby, marriage, I'm the Dad now." Now mind you, he was still willing to step up, but when you lost the baby, he breathed a sigh of relief.
Because when you were pregnant, that is when he did all this thinking. He is a guy. That was actually the first time he thought "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with her?" Until then, he thought it was casual. You'd been together. You had fun. Guys don't visualize entire futures the way women do.up front. He then waited a few months, because he didn't want to be a cad or at least appear to be a cad and broke up, pulled that emergency cord.
Time for you to do the same thing, although you're likely eight months behind him.
Get back out there, look for a new fella. Call all those old friends you ditched for couples life.
- GypsyfishLv 72 years ago
You've broken up. That means he can do whatever he wants. It's very possible that he's as hurt about the loss of the baby as you are, and his way of dealing with it is to try to get away and distract himself from thinking about it, while you may see that time as a mourning time. People deal with grief in different ways. Anyway, there's no point in being upset or huffy about it because you're not in a relationship with him anymore.
- JLv 72 years ago
not much to say but you are feeling betray, hurt angry etc etc. all those feelings are normal. You deserve better that's for sure