Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 years ago

Should I talk to him?

I'm 34 years old, and for the past 7 months I have been hooking up with my best friend who is 27. He is a smart guy, really handsome; both in face and body, and is a sweetheart of a guy. He is also kinda naive about the world, in some ways kind of a big kid - not that he is retarded; in fact he is very sharp, but is still kinda like a kid in some ways - and I feel sorta protective of him, like a big sister in a way.

Well we have been doing this two/three nights a week for 7 months, and he has shown that he cares for me, in fact he even told me two nights ago that he's in love with me, and given his words and actions toward me, how congruent he's been, I believe him.

We never defined what we are, or what this was. And I have feelings for him, but I'm afraid to commit, because the last couple of times I did commit to a guy, they always screwed me over.

But it bothers the hell out of me when other women hit on him, which I expect because he's a very attractive man, yet I'm still bothered by it. And I've thought about walking up, when they do this, and kind of putting my arm around him as if to say: "He's mine", but I realize what that's saying and given what has happened to me in the past, I'm scared to make such a statement.

How should I handle this?

And how do I get over my fear?

4 Answers

  • carrie
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    You should talk to him and tell him how you feel, tell him exactly what you said here, he really likes you, so if you tell him, then he will understand, he feels the same way about you, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain, tell him how you feel, you will be glad you did!! :-) (((hugs)))

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    He thinks you're dating, and he's in love with you.

    Has he paid any attention to other women lately?

    It doesn't matter what he looks like, it matters how he reacts to other women.

    If he hasn't had a lot of experience, you could marry him and then find him wandering off because he didn't get that experience before, so beware.

    But if he is willing to commit to only you, he sounds nice, and he's in love with you. The only question is whether you could consider him your equal, because this doesn't sound like an equal partnership, and that could mean you are unsatisfied.

    You need to figure this out and act accordingly, because the sex is only appropriate if you are indeed together. Otherwise, you are just using him, and keeping him from finding the right person for him. There are things you can, and things you should do. If you feel like his big sister and need to tell others "he's mine", that isn't a good sign this is appropriate or respectful.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    If you’re afraid to commit, and if you keep getting used in the past, then the short answer is that sadly you probably have too high of standards.

    If you weren’t going for men out of your league, then you wouldn’t be so damned shy and feeling inadequate, and they wouldn’t always use you and reject the idea of dating you.

    The problem with this culture of casual sex is that women often fall for a guy they have casual sex with; yet, men have very low standards for who they’ll have sex with but have relatively high standards of who they will date.

    So, this results in women who do casual sex, naturally end up sleeping with the hottest guy they can get to sleep with them; which, invariably leads to them getting used for sex only, with no real relationship forming from it. Because the men can do better, in terms of dating.

    The solution is to actually lower your standards a little bit; instead of going for the 6’0 good looking guy, try the 5’9 or 5’8 somewhat good looking guy.

    Source(s): With that said, it’s certainly possible that this guy likes you. But you need to be able to ask him to commit to you only, and ask to make the relationship public. If you feel so lowly and unworthy that you won’t or can’t even ask him that basic request- then it’s obvious he’s out of your league and that this just isn’t going to work out. In which case, he may likely also simply be telling you what you want to hear, so he can keep getting easy sex. I recommend you pop the “relationship- and public on Facebook?” question, and that way you’ll find out for REAL, where you and him ACTUALLY stand.
  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    I think you should take a chance on this guy. There is an element of risk in any relationship - there is no escaping it! In saying that, there is less risk associated with someone you know than someone you. Moreover, I always figure that the best relationships start off with the couple being good friends because they already have that chemistry there that is so important when it comes to forming a successful relationship. I would also use logic to allay your fears; if this guy has never done anything to hurt you in the past then it is unlikely that he will start in the future, especially when he is committed to you. I really hope this helps :)

    Source(s): What happened in your previous relationships? Are you still getting over them or have you moved on?
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