Anonymous asked in Politics & GovernmentLaw & Ethics · 2 years ago

How do you handle children's doctor appointments with a high conflict or abusive coparent?

My ex and I signed a custody decree less than a year ago, which he no longer wants to abide by. As he is not eligible to modify this arrangement, he has resorted to making extreme allegations against my household on a regular basis in the hopes of getting it either modified or overturned.

This is far more than just the occasional parenting disagreement. In the last two months alone, he has made nearly 100 allegations against me, my dog, my significant other, and even my other child. Some of these allegations are severe, ranging from criminal neglect to molestation, and he has filed multiple reports with CPS and local police to try to make his case. Every one has been determined to be unfounded, but he is constantly trying to find new grounds. I feel he will do anything in his power to disrupt my household until I cave to his demands.

He has extreme control issues, and looks for any opportunity to get involved in my parenting time and minor events like teeth cleanings and prescription refills create conflict. While he was never interested these events in the past, he is now insisting on being present whenever possible, hoping to find new ammunition or create a disruption. He is demanding even minor events like refilling prescriptions be done only when he is present. He is not open to taking the kids himself or taking turns with these appointments, to mitigate contact between us. I am not sure how to keep healthy or safe distance in these scenarios.


I don't want to be seen by the court to be an unwilling coparent, but I truly feel he is using our child as a vehicle for harrassment. How can I handle these situations in a way that both protects my household and limits our contact, while still respecting his role as a a 50/50 parent? My attorney advised me that going to the police is generally poorly received by family court judges, so I am not sure how to document the abusive behaviors or protect myself from continuing harrassment.

Update 2:

Any advice on handling joined events with an abusive or high conflict coparent is both welcome and appreciated

4 Answers

  • 2 years ago

    Your lawyer is correct for the most part, going to the cops for every little thing is a bad idea, but save them for the bigger issues instead. Documenting is the easy part simply by writing down each instance when the details are fresh in your mind. Doing so allows you to be very detailed allowing for even better communication with the judge exactly what he is doing to you. Plus you have to remember this isn't the judge's first rodeo and this behavior is common vindictiveness they have seen before many times from others each year.

    When forced to deal face to face, its just a matter of not responding to the attempts to gain attention. Speak as little as possible and then only when a decision is required. Each time you engage him, you are feeding his ego and arguments against you.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    Go back and ask your lawyer to handle this.

    This game isn't new, and your ex should be dealt with sooner than later.

    Document all the stuff so far, and get your lawyer on it. Don't worry- the judge won't think of YOU as the problem parent. Get your lawyer to shut this down pronto. Sole custody sounds like a brilliant idea, coupled with supervised-only visitation. Otherwise, go by the letter of the orders until they are changed unless he's behaving dangerously. THEN you can call the police.

    And if your lawyer doesn't deal with it, consider finding a better one.

  • -
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    Your attorney must have some idea how to handle the situation. Keep a log of all his requests including dates and times.

  • 2 years ago

    My view on it is that it you’re so abusive to your kid, why would you even consider taking your child to a doctors appointment? If they notice signs of abuse they would call cps themselves. If your child is younger than 12, I would get your child in counseling. This way your child can have someone to talk to and if you two go to court, your child’s counselor can give the opinion as to of where your child would like to be.

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