Another long distance relationship problem?
I've been in a LDR for a few months and all seemed to be going really well. We talked nonstop every day and were very open with expressing love. Since the summer started, she's been really busy with work and family relations, which is all right. She hasn't really been telling me what she's been up to and has used a lot of free time to read, play phone apps and watch tv instead of text, and that's fine too.
But she's also claimed to have lied and cheated plenty of times in the past with other people. So I'm a bit skeptical to think that she's been distant lately just because of work and family. A lot of details are missing for my standard of a secure relationship. We still text a few messages every other day or so, but I haven't been called in a week and she hasn't said she loves me in 2.
Not even any good morning or good night text has been sent since around the same time. I really can't tell if it's just because she's too busy to text mornings and nights, which also causes her to stress and not express her emotions well, if she just got tired of saying it, or if it's because she's moved on and is unwilling to tell me the truth.
Worst part about it is, I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't tell me what's been going on or why she would move on and it's stressful tbh. I've considered patiently asking what's going on until she tells me, not texting for a few days to wait until she's in a good mood, and just leaving altogether, but Idk what the best idea is here.
- James W.Lv 72 years agoFavorite Answer
Long distance relationships are hard to make work because it’s very difficult to find out what the other person is really like. It’s easy to put on an act (over half of good communication is nonverbal). You need to be participating in a wide variety of wholesome activities together to find out what the other person is really like in all types of situations. Pay special attention to how they react when they don’t get their own way or when something goes wrong.
May I suggest that the first question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to date someone is, “Is this person a strong person?” If they’re not, no matter how much you like them, how much they like you, or how “cute” or “hot” they are, - please don’t date them. A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), displays a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), gives their best effort, and demonstrates self-control (of their body, anger, mouth and money).
My suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already), forget about this girl unless she’s a strong person (sorry but it doesn't sound like it - lies and cheats?), and eventually look for this type of girl (otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of woman is difficult to find - but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!
PS Here are "21 tips that could help you to attract a strong person" from the book True Love Lasts:
1. Take the time and put in the effort to become a strong person yourself (this is the most important tip)
2. Put yourself in as many situations as possible that will allow you to potentially come in contact with other strong people - community service organizations, the library, high school or college clubs, the “Y” or other workout facilities, religious book studies, coffee shops, non-alcoholic parties, bookstores, concerts (wear a good pair of earplugs to protect your ears from permanent hearing loss), co-ed recreational athletic teams, community service projects, mission trips, volunteer service, etc. Try to get to know other people as much as possible without dating
3. Be cheerful, approachable, and friendly - smile regularly to put others at ease (let people see your positive attitude)
4. Take a real interest in getting to know others. Ask people an open-ended question about themselves in order to get them talking. Share things related to what’s been said as needed to keep the conversation going. Then ask them another question
5. Be polite and kind to everyone - even to people who you don’t like or enjoy being around
6. If you decide to not accept a request for a date, do it in a kind way (being rude isn’t a good choice and it doesn’t help you - word about it will get out and you’ll become less approachable)
7. Be confident about yourself - if you’re trying to become a stronger person each day, you already have a lot going for you
8. Be humble - don’t act like you’re Miss Charming or you’re Mr. Wonderful
9. Don’t be concerned about whether or not someone likes you
10. Have the attitude that if someone doesn’t like you - they don’t really know you
11. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep (at least nine hours for teens, at least seven hours for adults according to the experts), exercising regularly (if approved by your doctor), and eating a healthy diet
12. Develop a good sense of humor - including the ability to laugh at your own mistakes
13. Be known as a hard worker
14. Dress well and dress modestly at the same time (wearing seductive clothing doesn’t attract another strong person)
15. Pay attention to your appearance, but don’t obsess over it (remember that strong people are attracted to other strong people, they’re not too concerned about looks - because they realize that looks fade with age). If you use makeup, make sure it’s not excessive. Use perfumes and colognes sparingly - if at all
16. Truly care about other people
17. Stay in close communication with real friends who can help you through the ups and downs of life and hold you accountable
18. Be patient - real friends can help you with this
19. Persevere - please remember that almost nothing worthwhile is quick and easy. Please don’t settle for dating a weak person
20. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to date you
21. Don’t act desperate for a dateSource(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
- 2 years ago
- Anonymous2 years ago
The trouble with LDRs is that a lot of them are imaginary. This woman that you claim to be close to, is getting on with her real life and really isn't interested much in chatting endlessly on line to you. You need to have a real actual person in the same place, same room relationship and get real with that.