Leave my live in Bf or stay and figure it out?
Ok so all he does is smoke and drink. He comes home and drinks at least 5 beers a night. Then on the weekends he gets drunk. All we do is hangout with his parents either at their house or they come with us to his friends houses. they are more like his friends then parents and I can't take it. He spends all his money on beer and cigarettes and we never do anything I want to do. He always gets defensive when I try to talk to him about how much he drinks and how much his family drinks. I am not kidding they have events where its just a huge drunk fest all weekend and they call it a family vacation. every event is to do with drinking beer. We also don't ever talk about anything. I feel like i'm going to exploded and i'm only 21 years old. I don't know what to do but it feels good to tell someone how I feel. I cant keep it in any longer. Also I live an hour from my family and we are only 16 mins from his family. He doesn't want to live closer to my family even though I asked if we could just be a little closer. I have a 40 min drive to collage so he can have a shorter drive to work (20 mins). I wanted to go to the beach this weekend and he told me that it sounded really boring and he wouldn't go. Instead he said we could hangout at his parents house where I would just sit there bored while his parents and him drink and smoke till 2 am and its awful. I think I know what to do but its so hard since we live together I don't know how to tell him that I am so unhappy.
- JaneLv 72 years ago
You already know this relationship is going to end, you just haven't worked out exactly how to do it. Can you imagine still being with him, nothing changes, for say 10 years? Having children with him?
I agree you need to work out your exit plan before you leave so you're not running barefoot.Plan ahead as to where you're going to stay until you can get your own place, work out the money aspect. If you think there is any likelihood of him and/or his family getting difficult about it, make sure you have your family and friends on side to support you.I'm guessing that maybe there's still some love there so it won't be easy, but it's time to move on so that you have the chance to live your life.
He is perfectly happy with his life and nothing is going to change! Hopefully when you tell him he'll take it and won't get in the way.You'll need to be clear with him that it's ending and not get hooked into any arguments or justifying yourself- you're sorry but it's not working out for you and it's time to leave.
- kimLv 72 years ago
You should be praising the Lord that a light bulb has turned on in your head!!!! Date men don't hook up. Leave that kind of dumb @as life behind. Live honestly. Chose wisely. Have God at the head if your life!
- Jedi JanLv 72 years ago
I just don't understand why you stay in this relationship; boredom, loneliness etc. It is obviously not a happy one for you and he doesn't seem to care what you think. Your partner must have some idea you are not happy; discuss asap. I think you know the answer; remain in this unhappy relationship for even longer or be brave and find another lifestyle. Sooner is always better than later; voice of "been there ... done that ... move on."
- Pearl LLv 72 years ago
i would dump someone like that, i could never stay with someone that drinks so much
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- HurricainLv 72 years ago
Sounds like a fun family. If you don't enjoy that kind of thing, break it off and find a different boyfriend. You're not married and you're still too young to have figured out what you really want out of life anyway.
- Anonymous2 years ago
The problem here is obvious. People in your age group seem to think that every time they date someone and it starts to get serious, the next logical step is to move in together. So when you say it will be hard to break it off because you live together, make sure you see what a mistake this was. There's almost nobody 21 years old who is in a mature enough relationship to handle the stresses of 24/7 living. I sure wasn't. And the proof in your case is when you said "I don't know how to tell him that I am so unhappy." You're living with a guy and you can't tell him you're unhappy?!
Since the 2 of you are completely incompatible right now, I see 2 options. If you still love him and want to make this work, something major has to change. The 2 of you need to get your own living situations so you aren't forced into spending every night with him. You'd still be exclusive, but you need more in your life than drinking and burping. You'd do this just to see if he grows up.
Obviously, the 2nd option is blow it up.
- 2 years ago
Just dump him move back in your family . He’s not worth it !!! He’s just a lazy *** man
- KayleenRLv 72 years ago
This guy and his family are losers you need to dump him
- TealLv 72 years ago
Sounds like you already have it figured out. You didn't have one positive thing to say about him. You know your relationship is over and you know what you need to do. Reach out to your family or friends and have an exit plan in place before you break up with him. He is immature and has already shown you how little your feelings matter to him, I wouldn't expect him to make this easy for you. Your boyfriend isn't special and none of his redeeming qualities, if he has any, are exceptional. There is absolutely nothing he has to offer you that can't be found in someone who is sober, responsible, and considerate. Drop the dead weight and don't look back.
- EvaLv 52 years ago
If he doesn't see there's a problem, it's unlikely you're going to be able to change his behavior. If you want to go to the beach and he doesn't, then go without him. Interesting that he thinks the beach is boring, but sitting on his butt all weekend drinking is not. Start looking for another place to live. He's not a good long-term prospect and it's better you get out now.