Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 years ago

How do you deal with a person who takes advantage of your niceness?

So my hubby's brother met a girl half a year ago, just proposed to her and that day went to get their papers signed and got married (just the legal papers, not the wedding itself yet). We got invited to a family dinner (in-laws house) where I met her for the first time and tried to make friends, I mean, we're family now. Our other close friends were about to leave. They have a 6 month old and a 7 y.o. We are very close and I was like "If you can please help out momma because she is having a hard time taking care of the baby and she really needs your help" to the 7y.o. girl.Her mom always complains how the 7y.o. gives her a hard time, the little girl loves me and we're close so it was okay for me to say that and I said it in a nice voice, not commanding but asking. My hubby's brother began to brag about his fiance and we were all shook of how nice he's talking about her and I just said "well I'm really happy for you guys, you got a catch(to him) and I hope you love her and respect her. Be a good husband to her."We've known each other for a long time as well, played in one band together for years and have a friendly relationship. All I said was to her advantage. Then she turns to me and says,"well you surely like giving out instructions, why don't you just become a boss, a leader?" with a very not nice tone and look. I don't want to hurt people's feeling when fighting back, but when I'm being nice,I get hurt.How do you deal with these situations cause this is just one example?

Update:

The girls' mother acts the same way towards my kid. We never make it sound like a command.I literary was in a conversation about the girl helping her mom sometimes and told her that's really nice of her to help and to continue her good work, hugged and kissed goodbye. I know it's not correct to tell other peoples kids how to behave and what to do, this is only one exception because her mother and I are in a relationship where we are both okay with that and that is clearly visible to others.

7 Answers

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  • 2 years ago

    you could try apologizing if you think it can help

  • k w
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    PUT THEM on the PAY-ME-NO-MIND list...and move on.....don't matter if they are related or not......

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    "her mother and I are in a relationship where we are both okay with that and that is clearly visible to others."

    You may have just learned this isn't fully true. It's NOT visible to others who aren't very close and who know the dynamics. This doesn't excuse her rudeness, of course, but if I was meeting you for the first time, I would have had the same reaction. I'm just smart enough not to say it.

    Finally, how the heck can a married couple have a wedding? The whole point of a wedding is to invite guests to watch the couple take vows and become husband and wife. Nobody ever said a wedding is a married couple pretending to GET married! This is strangest part of the whole thing.

  • 2 years ago

    She was probably just feeling territorial because she thought your compliments were a bit much.

    I would just ignore it. What she thinks of you is not your concern. Worry about yourself and your life. If she wants to stay in the bitter barn, that's her choice.

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  • 2 years ago

    How did she take advantage of your niceness? I don't see it. She was excessively rude but, since this is her first introduction to you and she observed you telling your friend's little girl how to behave and then told her husband what to think and how to behave.... in her immaturity she likely thought she needed to put an end to that upfront before it became an issue in her life and marriage.

    They got married at the court house? Then that was their wedding and they are married. Whatever theatre is provided later is theatre and party. The wedding has already happened.

    You were misinterpreted. She behaved immaturely. It you are "making family", then laugh it off and be the bigger person. Chalk it up to her being insecure and stressed out. Is it possible you told a couple of other people during the party what to think and how to act as well? Like a habit meant in kindness? Is it possible?

  • J
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    in this world there is takers and givers, takers will take everything from you anything and everything they can your blood if they can and they will never ever show any remorse.

  • 2 years ago

    Stop being nice and tell her it is none of her business.

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