Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 years ago

Why do I feel like my mother always puts me down?

If we are ever discussing something (like the other day we were talking about which floor we should get) and we both have different opinions, she just brings up personal stuff out of no where that have nothing got to do with floors!

It’s hard because all I want is my mother to be kind to me, which she is most of the time, but every time she says something it just knocks down my confidence and my self-esteem. It’s like she always tries to wind me up and I’d i retaliate she called me sensitive. I feel like she only does it to me, never to my older sister. Not that I ever would want her to.

She just makes me feet like I’m overreacting if I get upset and I don’t have a right to be offended. But in the end I know she loves me and I love her.

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  • 2 years ago

    probably cause she is putting you down, just tell her youd appreciate it if she stopped doing that

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    omg exactly like mine. i can not stand being next to her. i call her once a fortnight, ask how she is and hang up. i don't even tell how my children are doing or she starts criticising me for their actions. my children are in their 20 and the youngest is 19

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    When the topic is "carpet or linoleum?" and she brings up "You broke the kitchen window when you were 12," just pause for a few moments. Let things go quiet. Then very quietly ask your mom "Are we having a fight?"

    Remember, rising to the bait is always a choice. If you think "I can't just sit there and not defend myself when she ...." then you think wrong. You most certainly CAN choose to just sit there and refuse to have that pointless conversation, refuse to play the role you Mama has assigned you for her little drama.

    Once Mama starts the drama, forget about trying to settle anything. Instead, focus on making sure you're a peacemaker, not a troublemaker like Mama. Learn to say "You think that; I think something else. Let's not quarrel about it." And keep repeating "Let's not quarrel" instead of rising to the bait, instead of letting her start the same old drama.

    You're not going to "win" this way, but "winning" shouldn't be your goal. Your goal should be avoiding the quarrel.

    Added later after reading comments: Dear Asker; That craving Mama's approval isn't good for you. As a nurse, I worked in nursing homes for a long time and the world if full of 60 year old people still seeking approval from Mama or Papa. People who make themselves miserable their whole lives wanting something that's probably never going to happen. Very unlikely a parent like that is going to change. Please just walk away from the negativity, like your Papa does. You deserve good things, so take better care of yourself. Live for YOU.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    You need to develop yourself a thicker skin and stop analysing what people say to you, especially when your mum says things to you that you don't want to hear.

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