I’m adopted, should my parent do this to me?

Like the title said... I am adopted. Throughout my childhood I would see 2 letters in the mail come every month. One would say my mothers name and the other one would say my mothers name and then “for [insert my name]”. They both looked the same. She would NEVER let me see them or even read them. Like I said... “FOR [insert my name]”. I’m very sure one was FOR ME but she ALWAYYS says it’s not. Well... let me get to the point. I am now 17 , soon to be 18 in August ,and I FINALLY got to read the letter , without her knowing. It says “child’s benefits will be terminated unless disabled or in secondary school blah blah blah”. I am her only adopted child of course. I didn’t want to believe it , I always had a feeling she was lying to me ... but I want to be sure before I fully confront her and express myself. Is their a possibility, one of the checks with my name on it ,that she would get , were for me? It really upsets me having that idea in my head , I would rarely ever celebrate my birthday , i would always have to stay in the house , I rarely ever got DECENT clothes , and would only get new shoes like once every year. I wouldn’t be bothered if she just told me, but I’m sure she’s lying to me about something.

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  • 3 years ago

    they shouldnt be doing that but maybe you should ask them about it, thats the only way you'll know

  • 3 years ago

    It's probably money that was to be used by her for your benefit, so she could probably use it to help pay rent, heating, for food, etc. If money was tight, that's probably what she did. Raising a child is not only expensive, it often requires a parent to take a lesser job, take days off from work, and so on. Do you love her? Has she been overall a good mom? Do you really think she would adopt you and then steal from you? That's quite an accusation. If you decide to bring it, bring it up gently because there's a very good chance that she did the right thing.

  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    You may be assuming some things that aren't true. One thing you didn't mention is where these letters are coming from. Surely there's a return address? Are they coming from some kind of agency, or a personal name and address? Without knowing that, it's really hard to help you!

    Also, are you sure you're adopted? I don't mean what your mom has told you. I mean proof of a legal adoption.

    It would help to know where the letters come from, but the one thing I can tell you is if your mom is getting support from somewhere, even if it's addressed to you, she's allowed to use it any way she wants. I know it's hard to understand, because this crops up all the time with teens whose parents are divorced. They assume the "child support" is to be used to buy things for THEM. This has never been true. Your parent may be using this money to pay rent or mortgage, utilities, food, wifi, repairs, insurance (car, health, house) etc. You say she gets money elsewhere, but unless you've written out a budget and know for a fact the money she gets is enough for these bills, you're doing even more assuming than the guy whose answer you didn't like. Teens almost never have idea where money goes. I sure didn't!

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    The money wasn't supposed to be given directly for you. She received money to help with your housing, food, medical, etc.

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  • 3 years ago

    Something is very fishy. If you are legally adopted there would be no benefits checks. If you are a foster child or a child under the legal guardianship of someone other than your parents, it is possible that there would be some government assistance. That money would be to offset the cost of caring for you. It is not an inheritance for you.

    If you want to know more, then you need to "confront" your parents or hire an attorney to help you discover what is going on. I'm not sure anyone has lied to you or how you can be "sure" of anything.

  • 3 years ago

    Since you read that letter, you would have seen who the sender was. It sounds like a government agency sending a report on benefits to your guardian/parent. The parent always gets the letter, the child's name is just on it as a reference.

    I suggest you get some psychological counseling. Your adoptive mother/parent/parents took you in and gave you a home. It may not be the life you would have chosen, but it's reality, it's past, and you should be making the most of the life you've been given, not imagining another life. If you can't ask your mother about psychological counseling, try asking your doctor at your next checkup, or talk to the nurse at school about getting a referral for psychological counseling.

  • 3 years ago

    The checks are not for you, but for your mother. She feeds, clothes and puts a roof over your head. All parents are entitled to child benefit until the child reaches 16 or 18 if still in education. I am guessing that your mother does not have much spare cash. Being adopted makes no difference to whether she receives this or not. You are of an age now where you are old enough to get yourself a part time job. Once you are earning money, you can buy the things that you want. If you become a parent in the future, you will understand how expensive it can be.

  • Smurf
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    No they shouldn’t

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