Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 years ago

Military Spouse Career Conflict..?

Hello, my wife is in bootcamp about to graduate in less than 2 weeks. I graduated college back in decemeber in Game Art and Design, I'm 23 and my wife is 25 and im about to start my dream job in about a week. i live in NYC. My wife wants me to quit my job when she comes back so we can move into a house together wherever she is stationed. I told her 3D jobs are very hard to get and i spent my entire life learning different art going to art schools since middle school and I've been working so hard to get to where i am. She said that im an unsupportive wife and any wife would give up their dreams for their spouse thats in the military and that i shouldn't put my personal goals before her, and that i dont love her because location shouldnt determine happiness and that im a terrible person and a *****. And has threatened divorce/taking away my health insurance since im her dependent.

I've been trying to find remote jobs but it just isnt really a thing in the 3D art world. If there are remote jobs for 3D its extremely rare...

I dont really know what to do? I found my dream job finally, i dont really wanna give that up, its apart of me.

I know alot of military marriages are long distance because of spouse careers(?) And anytime i try to talk to a military spouse they say i should give up my dreams to support my spouse....


Okay so me and my wife talked about all of this before she enlisted and before we got married. She told me the military would give me money to live wherever i can get a job at, and we could visit eachother while she supports me from whatever distance there will be between us. But then after she enlisted and after we got married she fliped the script and said that im a horrible wife and person for not going with her wherever she will be stationed, threatened divorce, called me names and etc.

6 Answers

  • 3 years ago

    Its funny that all the things she is accusing you of - being unsupportive, not caring for her career, not being willing to move for her "because location shouldn't determine happiness" , not being willing to give up your career for her "any wife would give up their dreams for their spouse", not seeing her career as being important, etc. - is exactly what SHE is in fact doing to you.

    She thinks it should be all her way, with little or no consideration for the work that has got you where you are today. Why didn't you two talk about what would happen when her basic was finished? Why does she get to be the one to decide who's career is more important? Have you talked about the possibility doing the long distance thing? If neither can see any form of compromise that gives BOTH of you something of what you want, then perhaps you were not meant to be married.

    By the way if you are working why can't you get Health insurance through your employer?

    EDIT - So you did talk about the possibilities but now she has "fliped the script and said that i'm a horrible wife and person for not going with her wherever she will be stationed, threatened divorce, called me names and etc"? I guess you have to decide if you like being treated that way - being told one thing to get you to agree then changing things around when they don't suit her to stick with what she said.

  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    I don't completely agree with people saying this isn't about the military. There's a reason the military has such an incredibly high divorce rate. People jump into marriage too quickly because of benefits, or wanting to live together, etc. What is most obvious here is that you are in that group.

    When I call it "obvious", it's because this is a major disconnect, but also one that was predictable. You knew what your career goals were, and she knew she's subject to assignment. Yet you never talked this through?!? What else did you forget to discuss?

    People are blaming her, but the fault lies with both of you. And, sadly, I don't see any compromise here if your career is this limiting in terms of where you work. You want to go where the jobs are, and she HAS to go where she's told.

    Only you know which matters most to you. I don't think it's a right or wrong thing, but if this blows up, live and learn. Don't marry someone until you fully discuss all the issues that will arise during that lifetime commitment.

  • 3 years ago

    Sounds to me like you have a college education and she is enlisted, which means she does not have a college degree. First off, she can not revoke your medical care, all she can do is revoke your PX and commissary access. She knew what you were and what your plans are before she went to boot camps so it is her that is deciding to move away. She should try to get assigned somewhere as close to NYC as possible. It may require you both to do some commuting but that is about the only option you have that will not require one or the other of you to give up what you want to do . ... Well, actually there is a second option. Divorce. ..Until you get this issue resolved I suggest you wear condoms so you do not throw a kid into the mess.

  • JetDoc
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    You graduated from college and STILL can't spell DECEMBER?

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  • Mrsjvb
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    It has nothing to do with the military. She’s equally unsupportive of your career goals. Get insurance through your new job. And get a better partner

  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    Follow your dreams, friend! If she doesn't respect your wishes, then you don't deserve her!

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