Am I a sociopath, or emotionally disturbed?
I'm 19, female.
I've been sexually abused a lot and have emotionally inept parents. I have been an escort and drug addict.
Other people showing makes me uncomfortable. My friend got hit by a car & I couldn't stop giggling. When people make me angry I’m probably the most wretched ***** you’ve ever met. I’ve ruined quite a few lives. I regularly conduct elaborate schemes against people I dislike.
I can turn charm on and off. I'm very antisocial/socially anxious but can make friends and have bosses love me.
I was almost raped on campus but it didn't impact me much. Nonetheless, I went to the crisis center, over-exaggerated my emotional state so the lady would write an excuse letter to help me get into a program I wanted. I attend an ivy league college now but mainly got in b/c of how much I manipulated teachers into change my grades. Since I was a kid I’ve lied a lot. In elementary school a boy didn’t want to date me so I made up stories about us dating instead.
I am unable to accept responsibility for anything. I showed up high on Easter, and instead of apologizing just said, "Well excuse me for doing crack on Easter."
I don't think I'm fertile, but instead of going to a gyno and checking like a normal person I'm having raw sex and am waiting to see what happens. I prefer anonymous sex with strangers because I honestly just have a hard time really caring enough about another person. I’ve also taken a taste that said my empathy level was in the 1st percentile.
- 3 years agoFavorite Answer
Emotionally disturbed. A bad life led to selfishness and a really bad attitude. You are becoming hardened, bitter, and cynical to yourself and others.
Sociopath is a little more complex than you described and seems at least partly a physical disorder within the brain.Source(s): I've met people like you. It's really no way to live, it's like a slow suicide and most ending up in a life of broken relationships and failure. You have a lot of negative energy inside.
- 3 years ago
Sociopaths tend to be born that way, it's a physical disorder. With you it seems like it's the circumstances you went through. Children's minds are very, very easily molded by circumstances, and you went through a lot. Here's just one article I could find: https://wehavekids.com/parenting/The-Long-Term-Eff... but there's much more on this website, I'd recommend you take a look. Every symptom you reported can be traced back to the way you've been brought up and it's nothing new -it happens over and over again. In a different article I've read, someone started a facility for psychopaths that have repeatedly been thrown in jail for murder and other crimes. A common occurrence in that facility was the psychopaths smearing their feces all over their cell and throwing them at anyone trying to enter. In group counseling, one of the psychopaths recalled how when he was a kid, his father would tie him up, cut him, and then rub pepper into the wounds. Upon hearing this, other psychopaths voiced how they've went through something similar, and together they started a group they called the Pinata Club. Here's a link if you want to read more: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/... It's an extreme example, but it seems something similar has happened to you.
"I’m probably the most wretched ***** you’ve ever met" -Nope, not even close! You don't realize just how MANY people just like you are out there, and just how many people are much, much, much worse! It's funny you contrast yourself against a "normal person" as if you're just a weirdo. You seem pretty normal, acting as a normal human being would -you need to realize it's not you that's the problem, it's your circumstances that have shaped you. Take any person, put them into your childhood, and I'm pretty sure they'll come out being similar to you. Similarly, if your childhood resembled one of the members' of the Pinata Club, you'd probably resemble them too.
Now, I would definitely urge you to see whether you're fertile or not and use birth control -empathy or not, what you're doing is simply unpractical. If you have a baby you'll be held legally accountable for it and you can be thrown into jail if evidence of any sort of abuse or neglect is found in your child -it happens every day, and there are organizations/services out there designed to do just that while at the same time many teachers are trained to spot this kind of stuff in kids. Easier to just use birth control.
You remind me of the main character in the book The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, though she suffered from depression and schizophrenia. But she acted in a similar way as you do, and when a man attempted to rape her she decided she'll let him do it. I'd recommend you read that as well, as the author writes the story as an autobiography of herself and you'll find it relatable. I know you are probably totally fine with being the way you are, but the type of life you're leading will always leave you unfulfilled and unsatisfied. You'll always feel like you're lacking something, no matter how much money, advantage, etc. you have, and you may be able to find pleasure, but not true happiness. The problem with this is that this literally is, as a different commentator mentioned, "slow suicide"-though many who are going through similar things to you end up trying to commit suicide simply because this sort of life is empty and living it seems worthless. That's what Plath ended up doing at around age 30.
Now, not everything is so bleak. You have control over your life. You can make it better. Few things on this Earth are new -many, many people went through the same thing as you, and many of them have also made it better. It starts with taking simple, slow steps that slowly change your attitude. That's the way a psychotherapist will probably recommend, and they can also lay out the steps for you. As for me, I can try, but I'm not a psychotherapist and the stuff I recommend might be off. They can also help you understand how you feel and why you feel that way -it's often hard for people to understand themselves and that's not their own fault, and yet it's nothing new. What you're experiencing happens over, and over, and over. Psychotherapists have been helping people deal with this for a loong time, and they took note of what works, and what doesn't.
Something else I'd recommend is making a sincere search for God. Yes, I'm one of those people. Notice how I did not say religion or even religious institution... there's a difference. He changed my life, and that's the only reason I tell you this. He can change yours too, even if it sounds like just another sloppy advertisement. Just realize the messiness of your life, and how little happiness it provides you. Realize that your own Creator knows your situation. He loves you as no human can. He realizes what you want is happiness. You have little to lose, and much to gain. Maybe give it a shot? Here's a little story you can read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadhu_Sundar_Singh
Lastly. if you have any questions after reading this little essay of mine, or you just want to talk, hit me up. I have no credentials, I only have compassion. That and I've studied the world a little. Here: email@example.com.
- 3 years ago
Only Jesus can fix any of us. No matter how deep-seated the problems the Bible has the answers.
- 3 years ago
You need to develop emotional connections with some one around you be it family or friends
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- lilaLv 73 years ago
You seem to take pride in being a manipulative individual with no empathy. I can't diagnose you as a sociopath, nor can anyone on here, but I can say you're not the type of person I'd ever want to hang out with. Don't let that go to your head - I don't mean it as a compliment.