Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 3 years ago

Needing some relationship advice?

I've been going thru things with my bf of 4 years. It seems every time I go thru his phone browser I find him looking up women that are escorts hes always here with me when he gets out of work so I know he hasn't met with one and if he has then hes gotten away with it. Hes always looking at the websites with photos and numbers and he denies it when I tell him, he has the nerve to lie even though I seen it for myself.. just recently someone gave him a card with a number and a snapchat name it was an escort he told me some guy gave it to him but was acting surprised about what the card was.. I have no idea what his intentions are besides hurting me and finding an opportunity to cheat he will never admit the things I catch him doing any advice on how I should approach him on this and how to get him to tell me why he keeps looking for escorts? Usually men just cheat with women but hes actually on websites of escorts and now that card I found I can't believe how disgusting he is

1 Answer

  • Janet
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    Get some couples counselling.

    All men fantasize about other women, but the good men stay loyal and faithful.

    In his case, this doesn't mean he is going to DO anything about it.

    And his looking up might be only just a release for the fantasy-infatuation that emotionally immature people are drawn to.

    But it might also be an indication that the two of you are not "connecting" well emotionally and psychologically.

    So get some couples counseling to learn how to open up to each other and build a beteer relationships.

    You say you have no idea .. .exactly my point. How can you expect to build and maintain a healthy close relationship if you two cannot communicate openly and honestly?

    Do NOT ask him why he keeps looking at escorts.

    First, on some level he probably has a bit of shame or embarassment and as soon as you bring this up, he will go all defensive and perhaps even angry or accusing. Which is NOT how you develop trust and openness.

    Secondly, you have broken his trust, and that is DEADLY in a relationship. You went snooping and there is no way you can bring up escorts without letting him know you have violated his privacy. And ANY embarassment he has will turn into anger and you will become the villain. So much easier to blame you, to use anger to hide his own embarrassment.

    As for disgust .. oh, honey. He is a man. You are expecting him to be a woman. He isn't. Stop being disgusted by male sexuality ... he is normal, and your disgust is caused by your own issues and problems. Don't project it onto him.

    Yeah, of course he lies.

    Not respectable, but definitely human nature.

    Men are NOT raised to handle emotional scenes, and it is far easier to lie than to face you getting all upset, threatening the relationship, belittling him, etc.

    So when men lie, that is both a comment on them AND on their women .. whose over-reaction they FEAR and have no skills for coping with.

    The way to get honesty from a man is by learning how to face and work with your own emotions, so that by the time you approach them you are no longer upset. And then communicating ONLY with "I-statements" and staying away from anything that comes close to a "You-statement".

    Which is why I suggest couples counselling. It is obvious that there are problems in the relationship, problems in communication, and problems within both of you.

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