Im miserable with him, Im miserable without him.. what do i do?
So I’ve been with this guy for almost a year and a half. Recently, I’ve been feeling like I can’t forgive him for the past. He had a drink problem, which led to him cheating on me many times. We kept on going and tried to move past it. I broke up with him about a month ago. Last weekend we met up to chat and we agreed to give it another shot; A fresh start and he would give it his all. 5 days later, I ended it (a few hours ago).
We have agreed to stay friends because he’s become my best friend and I’m his. But this is hard. I’m upset at the thought of never being with him in that relationship way but when we get back together I’m equally as miserable. He tried changing everything that I said made me feel like this and it just didn’t seem to work. But if it’s not meant to work and I’m no longer “in love” with him, why do I get so upset about breaking up?
I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s wrong or right!
- ?Lv 73 years ago
Accept that life is complex.
Unless he deals with his addiction to alcohol, he will not change for the better.
Your wisest move is to move on. Accept the short term pain of missing him
and build a new life.
- 3 years ago
You need to do some serious reflection and ask yourself what exactly are you looking for in a relationship ? If you see yourself and your boyfriend as forming a committed relationship for life, then trust becomes paramount. His cheating behavior has damaged that trust. Your ambivalent feelings when you are with him now, is proof that your trust in him has been seriously and possibly irreparably damaged. Until you are convinced that he has changed, you will continue to be haunted by his past behavior. You will be torturing yourself every day wondering what he is up to.
It is quite natural to feel confused about your feelings for your boy friend. You have invested one and a half years of your life, loving him. At the same time, he has let you down badly and betrayed your trust. He has hurt you badly. So it has been a love hate situation. It is difficult to live like that.
To tackle the problem head on, you have to ask yourself and your boyfriend, whether he is mature enough and ready to form a permanent committed relationship. If that's what you want and he is not ready for that, then it is foolish to continue to suffer. End the relationship. Remain friends if you want to, but make it clear why you are ending the relationship. There are many other genuine guys in the world looking for a sincere genuine woman.