It sounds like this is very stressful as well as experiencing emotional stress. Is there someone that you can reach out to in regards to getting some outside support and getting help? Sometimes it can help to talk to someone and tell them about what you are going through.
Please know that there are people who can and will help you with what you are going through, such as a hotline crisis counselor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a trusted adult, relative or a friend. Someone it's a good idea to seek therapy services to help you with your mental health concerns.
Having a brain illness or experiencing trauma, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or other mood or anxiety disorders, when left untreated, unfortunately may lead to self-negative thoughts such as suicide.
You may want to consider talking with a counselor at a hotline. There are many hotlines that are 24/7 and will work with you and situations like yours. Some even have email and/or chat if you would prefer. Hopefully, you will continue to reach out!
Thank you so much for reaching out! It takes a great deal of courage to be able to tell people how you feel.
Keep safe and keep reaching out,
Boys Town National Hotline -- Available 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000 -- Teens and Young Adults; http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/ ; Parents—www.parenting.org for parenting issues