All people born with male reproductive organs are 'real men's
The concept of what a 'real man' is differs from person to person, taste to taste, just be the best version of you, women/men are rarely attracted to someone who is trying to be someone else because they think its what they have to be, confidence and passion is attractive.
Many people find fit men attractive, many also don't.
I've been attracted to athletic types, overweight types, thin types and repulsed by all types too... attraction is not entirely about looks but genetics and pheromones, face shapes, personality too.
If you feel you need to learn self defense do it for that but not because your trying to fit into your sexes stereotype. Plenty of gay men are macho fighting types, manliness has little to do with sexuality, most gay porn I've ever come across then men do not at all look like stereotypical gay men and look like wrestlers, boxers, bikers, military types, very dad looking. So don't let that define you.