Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 years ago

What’s the best way to inform my husband I’m leaving him ??

After putting up with 2 years of him cheating lying and behaving like a jerk to me I’m finally drained and I’m leaving him. Just don’t know how to tell him.

He’s a very negative Person. gets angry and shoutS at me for ridiculous things, never apologises and always wants things to go down his way. He likes threatening me to get his way. He even threatened suicide if I left him when he first cheated. So I’m afraid of his reaction when I hit him with the news. Should I tell him face to face ? Just leave while he’s at work and leave a note ? I want to end it peacefully but je won’t take it well and will probably make things go bitter and make things go nasty with insults and threats etc. Just want to announce it well.

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  • 2 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    If he's threatening you, then it's probably best not to even tell him. And it's never going to go "well," no matter how you handle it, so you have make peace with that fact right now. This is going to be nasty, scary, drawn-out, and heartbreaking ... but once it's over, you're free of him forever.

    You need to get your ducks in a row before he finds out you're gone:

    - Arrange for a safe place to stay. DO NOT let him know where it is. Your own place, a friend or family member's place, a hotel, or a shelter if need be.

    - Withdraw half of the joint savings and store it in your own bank account that he cannot access.

    - If he's on any of your bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills, etc., then have his name taken off, or freeze the accounts, so he cannot take your money or ruin your credit.

    - Change all of your passwords - social media, voicemail, email, whatever - to something he cannot possibly guess.

    - Turn off the tracking device on your phone. If he controls the phone account, it may be best to abandon that phone and get your own, or even a burner phone for now.

    - Check your car to make sure he didn't put a tracking device on it. When driving or taking cabs, make sure you're not followed (especially if you agree to meet him in a neutral place to settle legal stuff or whatever).

    - Make photocopies/scans of all important paperwork (marriage certificate, deed to the house, utility bills, birth certificates and passports and driver's licenses for both of you, loan statements, car paperwork, insurance paperwork, ANYTHING you can get your hands on) and store it in a safe place - your locked desk at work, your parents' house, a bank safety deposit box, or an online storage account with a password that he cannot possibly guess.

    - Meet with a lawyer to find out if you will be forfeiting any legal rights by leaving the marital home, or if you can legally kick him out. Also ask how to start the divorce process - remember, you can file without your husband agreeing to it.

    - If he's threatening you or himself then you need to call the police and file a report every single time. It's imperative to have this on file for when you divorce him.

    - Make a personal therapy appointment for yourself.

    - Pack up your valuables and prized possessions, or store them in a bank safety deposit box. Pack what stuff of yours you can, or at least some clothes and toiletries and some cash/your own credit card in a Go Bag if you need to leave fast. Keep the Go Bag in your car if you can, or at work/at a friend's house.

    - If you have a pet, take it with you or give it to a loved one (or an animal shelter) for safekeeping until you can retrieve it, because if he's making threats at you/himself he may very well hurt or kill a pet.

    - Look into a domestic violence organization/support group for more advice and help.

    The lawyer and possibly the therapist can give you advice on when/how to leave him, how to inform him you want a divorce, and how to start the divorce process (especially if he won't cooperate).

    Do all of this BEFORE you leave him*, because once he knows you're leaving then it'll be next to impossible to do any of this because he will likely do whatever he can to screw you over ... take all the money, destroy your personal papers and prized possessions, change the locks, etc. It may take a lot of legal intervention to get what's yours, so if you can prep beforehand then do it.

    * That being said, nothing is more precious or valuable than your life, so don't be afraid to just run with the clothes on your back if you have to. You can always get a police escort to go back for things, or eventually you can replace it, or make do without it.

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  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    Tell him you failed to take care of his needs, and you are sorry for ruining his soul and making him such a bitter person, and that it is best for both of you if you leave.

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  • 2 years ago

    Face to face just tell him that enough is enough and you deserve better so we are finished !

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  • 2 years ago

    They best way to let him know is face-to-face that you are leaving him. Best way to do this is to have your things packed and call the police before he comes home and wait for him when he comes home you tell him right in front of the police then leave and file a restraining order.

    The Bible allows for a married person to terminate his or her marital union on the grounds of a mate’s sexual immorality. (Matthew 19:9) This means that after an act of infidelity, the innocent mate has the right to decide whether to remain with the unfaithful mate or to pursue a divorce. This is a personal decision.—Galatians 6:5.

    Source(s): Jw.org
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    • Jordyn2 years agoReport

      Yes this is excessive, call the police and all? Just tell him face to face and make sure to not answer to any provocative attempts that’s all.

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  • 2 years ago

    It won't end peacefully no matter how you leave. Leave while he's at work, don't leave a note, just go.

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  • kristy
    Lv 6
    2 years ago

    Leave him while he is at work.

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  • 2 years ago

    First, go see an attorney.

    Do not make anything look as if you have permanently left the home especially if you own it or it could be seen as abandonment. That would affect your settlement during the divorce. Ideally HE should be the one leaving, not you.

    Consult with a divorce attorney, and then contact the local domestic violence support group- the police will have their contact information. The DV group can guide you and help with resources should you need to flee in a hurry. No matter what, they can be very good at guiding a victim out of a bad relationship, and you need that.

    Don't talk this over with anyone else for now, don't post anywhere else, make sure this post is anonymous and your profile is private. Don't text your best friend anything about this, even in code. Don't use your regular phone for anything- go get a throwaway phone at Walmart for *cash* and use on that, and only give it out to your attorney, the DV group, and save it for that for now. Make SURE the GPS function is turned off in both phones.

    be very careful not to leave a trail. Don't be afraid to ask the DV group for help- they can get you out to a safe place he knows nothing about in a hurry.

    See www.thehotlilne.org

    • gottathink
      Lv 6
      2 years agoReport

      Sage advice. I hope she listens.

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  • 2 years ago

    Just wait till he is out and the take your chance and leave .leaving a note saying good bye..

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  • .
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    I'd say speak to a divorce attorney and make sure you've got everything in order, and your attorney can advise you on a course of action based on what you expect the reaction from your spouse to be when he learns you are divorcing him. Don't just pack up and leave, as that might be seen as abandonment and could reflect poorly on you in a divorce. Get legal advice first, and then decide how to proceed.

    • kim
      Lv 7
      2 years agoReport

      Amen

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  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    I recommend that you get somewhere safe, away from him, then either call him, or text him. He seems like he could be a DANGER to you.

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  • 2 years ago

    does he have twitter?

    I'd choose that

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