Stan M
Lv 6
Stan M asked in Social SciencePsychology · 2 years ago

How to cope with being shame and being pitied?

10 years ago I dominated high school and everyone thought (including me) I would be a lawyer or therapist or doing something important.with my life. Fast forward 2 months I start college and make the deans list with perfect grades my first semester. But somewhere between my first and second semester the pressure finally got to me and I cracked. I fell into a deep depression failed my classes the second semester and I dropped out. Because of that the only jobs I could get were the ones you needed no skill to do so I did a six year stint as a shoe salesman.But then the store closed and the only job I could get is my current job as a glorified janitor for the supermarket in my town and everyone and their mother from my town shops there and every day I see people I graduated with and every time they see me they give a WTF look or a look of pity because they know I should have been someone by now. How can I cope with that and the shame it brings along?

3 Answers

  • 2 years ago

    Just know at least they care about you hey?

    Very best wishes


    Source:) Study.

  • 2 years ago

    It's only a matter of time. Your current situation isn't your end result yet, this is a stepping stone. I know how that might feel, I used to stop college (I'm back now for my final semester) and during that time I avoided people too. Shame IS the problem, speak out don't be afraid about your truth. I was also diagnosed with a mental illness, when I spoke to my friends about it, it was freeing because didn't feel like I had to hide something. Read and watch videos about what Brene Brown is doing, she's working on what she calls being shame resilient. You're still worthy of belonging even if you aren't where you want to be right now.

    According to Brown –“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging." The thing is your worth doesn't decrease because you're a janitor. Speaking out about your story is freeing. And if other people look down on you, it's more about them than you. What matters more is how you look at yourself and what you expect of yourself in the future.

  • 2 years ago

    Go back to college and try again - you have learned from your mistakes and know you have to get head down and study etc, my daughter has just graduated from university with a Masters degree and she is 38 years old and a single mum but she knew she messed up in the past and now making life better. Good Luck

    • Stan M
      Lv 6
      2 years agoReport

      Going back to college is no longer an option because I can't afford it. Back then I was given an academic scholarship. I used to have a lot of money saved up but then I got disability for my depression. I made a mistake in the paperwork and I had to pay it back with the money I saved for college.

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