Can you help me edit this scene for a story I'm writing? CRITICISM NEEDED!!!?
I couldn’t help feeling the adrenaline in my heart when he took my hand in his, the calluses of his palm strangely comforting. I felt so safe and protected in his presence that I hadn’t taken much notice to where he was leading me.
The scenery was so exquisite that it left me breathless. The ocean shimmered beneath the moon; the luminous disk reflected off the waters surface and the stars peppering the velvet sky only added to the magical moment. I felt compelled to run back to the cabin and grab my sketchbook to capture this moment before the moon retreated and the water returned back to its monotonous blue color. But, when Kaden leaned down to my ear and recited one of the most romantic poems, I couldn’t help but lose my track of mind and blush at the sound of my heart pounding inside my chest. I was falling head over heels for this guy.
He spoke every word with affection: “love” made my hands go numb and my toes tingle, “you’re my everything” set my heart off like a ticking time bomb, and “I Love you” meant the world to me.
He ducked his head lower so that we were eye to eye, my bright, baby blues against his piercing green ones. His mouth moved, but his voice was drowned out by the crashing of waves.
His chuckle made me melt. “Did you hear me, Muffin?”
I shook my head. The only thing I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears.
As if he knew how his presence affected me, his goofy smile stretched across his lips and he slid his hand onto my nape, pulling me closer.
“I said, I love you,” I expected for his smile to fire up again any time now, but it didn’t. He was serious. This boy actually loved me. And I loved him. I planned to tell him that, but instead of echoing my thoughts, I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, my hands rising to nestle deep into the black strands of his hair.
“I want you, Em,” He breathed.
But never mind that, thank you guys soooooooooo much for the help, XOXO