After Christmas which is always dark and painful and full of rejection, how can I find happiness in the winter?

I am usually miserable until spring. Christmas brings nothing but rejection to me and dark misery and thoughts of suicide. Christmas is the worst. For most people it is the best and they are now carrying that joy into the new year. The only joy I carry is that Christmas is over. How do I find happiness during... show more I am usually miserable until spring. Christmas brings nothing but rejection to me and dark misery and thoughts of suicide. Christmas is the worst. For most people it is the best and they are now carrying that joy into the new year. The only joy I carry is that Christmas is over.

How do I find happiness during these bleak and dark winter months when there is nothing to be joyful for since Christmas was again horrible?
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