See if she'll talk to her OB about medications or creams that are safe but will help with dryness. If she's had to have a hysterectomy then she may have real discomfort. She may also, especially if she's had children, be having trouble with urinary control (not abnormal and gets worse with age). It's time to have a talk when you're NOT in bed. Don't try to put any moves on her as that will make her feel threatened and she'll pull away even more.
If things get worse, you may need a sex therapist (counselor with expertise in sexual issues in couples). This is not a thing to feel bad about--and it's better than having a beautiful marriage ruined over physical issues. It's hard for men and women to accept declining sexual abilities and getting older/less attractive. Men have erectile dysfunction and their wives are very patient in general, so be patient and loving as you clearly are being.
Other issues that pop up in later life: as women get older, if this applies: memories of sex abuse can become more and more present day to day. That requires therapy and patience with a lot of love and support.
If you do gentle manual stimulation, please moisturize those hands and keep nails trimmed and neat with no rough areas/cuticles. If you haven't cultivated gentle oral or manual techniques to help her orgasm she may not have any incentive. Don't take too long, as this can cause more chaffing, though. Always check in before during and after to see if you did too much; use your ears. You've had a lifetime of experience but now she may be making faces and noises that you either were able to ignore or are new that need to be noticed. Some women also prefer to be on top.
This is tough stuff. I suggest a lot more time getting to know each other again, hanging out together, reinvesting in your personal relationship without sex--that makes women feel loved--with no strings attached. She may trust you more that way with things. Be as gentle as you can and listen well when things do happen.
· 10 months ago