Opinions on my writing please?

I would like some feedback on a random paragraph I wrote when I was feeling inspired but didn't want to continue a full story. I would love to improve my writing so feedback is appreciated. I wanted to put 2 here but the word limit didn't allow it 1 The slavering jaws of the cruel beast hung open,... show more I would like some feedback on a random paragraph I wrote when I was feeling inspired but didn't want to continue a full story. I would love to improve my writing so feedback is appreciated. I wanted to put 2 here but the word limit didn't allow it

1
The slavering jaws of the cruel beast hung open, drooling globules of saliva over the mangled and bloody corpse of my best friend. I froze in shock, unknowing of what to do, I fled, arousing the instincts of the monster, it broke into a smooth gallop, with its paws thudding rhythmically on the dirt, easily making ground and catching up to me. My chest heaved with the effort of the run. I urged my tired body to move quicker but my time was over, the creature had already pounced. The world swirled around me in a daze and my body hit the ground with a crash. I struggled to breath as the heavy paws of the monster pressed against my spine, I screeched and thrashed but it was no use, my vision went dark as I felt the jaws of this horrible creature tear into my neck as I was eaten alive. I screamed and cried with no hope, willing for death to come and end this carnage. I fainted and never awoke to see the shining sun overhead ever again, all that was left was bones and blood on the ground.
Update: Ok, I have enough answers now, I don't need more. Here's what I've learned and will use to improve in my actual stories -Breathe not breath (well I knew it already but I missed it when checking) - make POV consistent - Less commas - can be less descriptive -need better punctuation -rewrite 4... show more Ok, I have enough answers now, I don't need more. Here's what I've learned and will use to improve in my actual stories
-Breathe not breath (well I knew it already but I missed it when checking)
- make POV consistent
- Less commas
- can be less descriptive
-need better punctuation
-rewrite 4 times

Thank you everyone (well besides like the two people who gave zero help at all and just said it was terrible)
Please don't answer anymore, I would delete the question but I can't figure it out
9 answers 9