Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 years ago

Should inlaws help out?

We got married 5 years ago ,i moved into my parents for 3 years bc we didnt have very good jobs . My parents bought groceries bc we couldnt afford alot yet his parents bought us nothing . We have better jobs now and are on our own but they never offer to help us ever. They help his brother and sister constantly . I feel like when we got married they think hey were off the hook now ,hes yours . In an emergency we called them all 7 times bc we were in their town and we find they were home and juat ignored our call, my parents had to drive 35 min to help us tow our car . Do your inlaws help out at all or am i just lucky ,they help his brother and sister out constantly

11 Answers

  • 3 years ago

    They are off the hook. They owe you nothing. Be grateful for getting help you got, but it's time to stop being an entitled whiner.

  • 3 years ago

    Sheer usery to wed and live off your parents for three years! "Because we didn't have very good jobs"! So what? Why is that your parent's trouble? You used them every step of the way, you're still using them. Your husband's parents wised up, saw the situation, and decided that they were likely ashamed of what a user their son had turned into and that for his own darn good... they drew the line and refused to let it go forward into the future in their lives.

    Good for them! Join AAA and get incredibly affordable towing (paid for in your insurance) for whatever vehicle you're in. It's better than thinking parents are suppose to help out their married children like they never really grew up. It's time to grow up.

  • 3 years ago

    Not necessarily. Moving out means becoming independent. The fact that when you married and apparently didn't move out doesn't change that fact. Also, you were in the care of your parents living at home, it makes sense they bought you groceries too. Maybe if you moved in with his parents instead it would be a different story ... but something tells me that wasn't an option making my original point valid.

  • 3 years ago

    Its pretty simple to figure out.

    His parents are punishing him for marrying you.

    They disowned him and he has yet to figure it out.

    Sad really.

    The solution, husband needs to go to his parents and have it out with them once and for all. If he's man enough maybe even kick his dad's butt for not answering the phone or helping you.

    The it will be clear that they are done.

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  • 3 years ago

    I was reading the comments between you and Beatrice, and it shows EXACTLY why you are in a pickle. You had this romantic feeling and got married, then suddenly the easy route got cut off.

    If you expect the parents from either side to just give money because you are a young couple, think again. If there's other siblings or relatives that cannot take care of themselves, I would guess that's where the money will initially go.

    Sassing the people that can see the mature responses just shows the truth. I struggled when I was in my 20s.

  • .
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    Your in-laws aren't required to do anything for you. Adults are responsible for themselves. However, having said that, as I was growing up, family was always very important and I was raised that family helps each other. If your needs or issues weren't due to your own foolishness, I can't see why loving family wouldn't help. If poor decisions or reckless/wastefulness caused your issues, then I can see why family might choose not to enable such behavior by bailing you out (only to do it again down the road).

    The incident you describe where your in-laws refused to answer the phone when you had car trouble, is unfortunate. Clearly they have issues with your spouse, for whatever reason, and so have chosen to alienate your spouse from their family. I'd say in that case, you two should feel free to act as if they don't exist either. Your feelings won't get hurt by people you don't reach out to (you can't be rejected by people you don't ask things of).

  • 3 years ago

    No they don't have to but yes they should especially if they are helping the other siblings. Just be the better person and shake it off, we cant all like our in laws right?

  • 3 years ago

    Most people wait to marry until they can afford to support their selves. His parents don't owe you anything & probably feel disrespect for the 2 of you that you would even think this way. I would be ashamed of any child of mine married 5 years that needed me to buy their groceries or couldn't afford a tow bill.

  • 3 years ago

    You're adults. None of your parents owe you anything. So, no, there's no "should" here.

    It doesn't matter how much money the parents have, how much money you guys have, how much the parents choose to help other siblings, etc. They don't owe you any help, any money, a tow for your car, etc. Period, end of story.

    If you got married while you were broke, that's nobody's fault but yours. You should've waited to get married until you were in a better financial position.

    Can't afford groceries? Get better jobs, get second jobs, go to a food bank. Your car dies? Call Triple A or put the tow/repairs on a credit card. Don't piss and moan that Mommy and Daddy should've bailed you out. They CAN if they want to, but they certainly aren't obligated to do so.

    All of these things suck, yes, but that's what being a married adult is all about ... life is shiiiiity sometimes, but nobody's responsible for dealing with it but YOU. And, not for nothing, but it seems like you've had an awful lot of circumstances where you need "help" from the parents ... perhaps his parents don't want to keep bailing you out, because (a) then they'll be stuck doing it forever, and (b) you won't learn how to manage on your own if they do.

    It's none of your business why they choose to help his brother and sister. It's their time/money and they can spend it however they wish. Maybe the brother and sister are more competent than you guys so they feel like helping them out once in a while won't spoil them; maybe they feel you guys are MORE competent than his siblings so you can figure it out on your own; maybe they're tired of your bratty, entitled attitude and/or your bad life choices, and therefore they don't want to reward your bad attitude/bad choices by giving you handouts.

    It's pointless to try and guess why they help the siblings but not you, because they DO. NOT. OWE. YOU. HELP. in the first place. So you can feel jealous or spiteful if you wish, by all means, but it'd be a waste of your time because you're not being "denied" anything you're owed. You being pissy over this isn't going to make his parents magically start opening their wallet for you. You aren't entitled to their money or attention just because you want it.

    Stop whining, and stop thinking that his parents owe you something, because they DON'T. Lose the entitled attitude, Princess, and get the hell over it.

  • Faith
    Lv 7
    3 years ago

    No. Inlaws and your parents shouldn't help out. When a couple gets married they suppose to be old enough to support themselves

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