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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 years ago

Do you think these texts between my spouse & a coworker are flirty/flirtatious? They text a lot, these ones raised my eyebrows?

CW=Coworker SP=Spouse (Punctuation/Capitalization etc done exact same)

Ex.1 around noon on a Sat.

SP: sent another coworkers info

CW: I'm surprised you know how to send contacts like that


CW: lol

same day just later that night

SP: Stop by at __. I'll buy you a drink

CW: Me or Aaron?


CW: I'll see

SP: ____is here.

EX.2 morning

CW: I shoulda stayed at your building until after the meeting

CW: I'm coming back

SP: Sweet

Same day after work

several texts about work and other coworker and how bored CW is at her new location

CW: You should just come sit up there (new location) with me :)


CW: I can't believe you!!

SP: What

CW: I saw u here

CW: U didn't say hi

SP: sorry, busy getting mad at people etc etc (work issues)

2 hrs. later

CW: you should come to the store with me

next texts were about our daughters accident (that happened during that time)

Ex. 4 several texts related to work and the upcoming 4 day weekend

SP: What's out there? camping

CW: yea

SP: Have a good time

CW: I could get attacked by a bear

SP: they have a bear safety video

CW: I should watch it :)


CW: Are you coming to the "function" tomorrow?

SP: Are you inviting me

CW: lol yep

CW: starts at 11

SP: for sure


CW: Idk why, but you have a calming effect on me

Ex.7 Sat late morning

CW: you should come get your truck washed at the ____ car wash

SP: I forgot about that

2 hrs. later

SP: Damn now I owe you money

CW: 3 laughing with tears emojis


I've been dealing with this for a year now, these are just the surface. Look at my question from last year. I just want to know if I'm over reacting or not. I want second opinions,when your spouse changes towards you, you're going to snoop. He's never text other women like this before. This is new and out of character for him.

Update 2:

Trust went out the window when he lied about who he was texting and then deleted texts at least 3 times. They also chat on their work system, he admits almost everyday. So why text at night ffs? Also "I can't believe you, I saw u here & u didn't say hi" << that is flirtatious. And for me the "you have a calming effect on me" over the line. He is also giving her encouragement when she needs it "GL" "you've got this" etc., meanwhile I can't even get a hi bye or f you.

22 Answers

  • David
    Lv 6
    4 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    They are not flirtatious. Not literally. The problem is, one line "you have a calming effect on me". No, that line is NOT flirtatious. But it is revealing. The coworker is emotionally attached to your spouse. Coworker reacts emotionally when spouse is around. Coworker is either in love with spouse, or falling in love with spouse. THAT MUCH IS CERTAIN. No, I am not guessing. Coworker spelled it out in black and white in text.

    But unless there are other texts you did not post, then the two of them are not flirting with each other. But just because they aren't flirting doesn't mean that there is not a problem. There is a potential problem that exists because coworker is falling in love with spouse. HOWEVER:

    Don't over-react. Keep in mind that the feeling appears to be one-way at the moment. Don't punish your spouse for another person learning to love your spouse. That would be mis-placed anger, and not fair to your spouse.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    They are having sex.

  • 4 years ago

    Something is definitely going on right there.

  • 4 years ago

    These are normal conversations. Not flirtatious..

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    I came here to answer but your post confused me, doesn't seem flirty more friendly than flirty

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    lmffao @ this post..It was like looking at 12 grade math, outta my league and 3 dimensional--but i'll give it a whirl: Oh GD..i tried, i swear i did..But all that SP and CW and Ex4...blah blah blah just make me feel like i had a bad hangover from a 2 night drunk.

    Good Luck Hun. I hope i helped!

    psss..they snoop too!

  • .
    Lv 7
    4 years ago

    Those messages are killer boring and nothing to even raise an eyebrow over.

    However, if my significant other was snooping into my texts (much less copying the messages and sharing them with others, for evaluation) we'd likely be on the verge of parting ways. Invasion of privacy is NOT okay. Your insecurity is going to end your marriage. If you're that worried he's cheating, get into marriage counseling. That way IF anything is going on, you may be able to turn things around. If it's not, then it's clear you need to learn to trust and communicate better with your spouse (and him communicate better with you).

    No trust = no relationship.

  • 4 years ago

    If you are suspicious, there is a reason so just be careful.

  • 4 years ago

    Why don't you ask your spouse about this?

    Why areyou snooping on your spouse's phone?

    If you don't trust your spouse, then does it really matter if (s)he is flirting or cheating with someone else? The marriage is in trouble if there's a lack of trust, whether something is going on or not.

    Stop snooping and actually DEAL with the problem by talking about it. If your spouse won't talk, or if you don't believe them, then start thinking about your next step.

  • 4 years ago

    There's no harm being done at the moment but one thing will lead to another if you don't put a stop to it? Good Luck

    Source(s): Divorced
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